Shavuos Caption Competition

Following the success of my Rosh Hashanah (5771) Caption Competition, I thought it would be nice to host a new one for the upcoming festival of Shavuos.

And look what a lovely photograph (click on to enlarge) – taken yesterday on Brent Street (just off Goodyers Gardens), Hendon, of all places – just landed in my Inbox . . .

The most amusing caption submitted by comment below will – and I am feeling even more generous this time – earn its author two halves of Goldstar* in the Jaffa or Jerusalem drinking establishment of his/her choice, together, once again, with a free lifetime subscription to melchett mike.

As Chich used to say, “Uh want nems” [English translation: I want names] . . . because – whilst I would never, God forbid, condone any activity contrary to the law – there is nothing to stop melchett mike readers bringing the delightful bearded participants some cheese cake for the chag.

Happy Shavuos!

* at Happy Hour, of course

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104 responses to “Shavuos Caption Competition

  1. Michael Zysblat

    Caption: To the usual tune sung at the Emirates/White Hart Lane

    “Altogether now – there’s only one Yasser Arafat, one Yasser Arafat, one Yasssssssssser Aaaarafat, there’s only one Yasser Arafat”

  2. “psssst….are you aware that an almighty green flag has just popped out of your ear? That’s some party trick bro”

  3. You’ll be getting your own Goldstars, Michael! ;-)

  4. daniel amini

    voots de number fer vite house express?

  5. John Fisher

    This is what happens to nice law abiding citizens when the 240 to Edgware is running half an hour late.

  6. “Is thing on? Do my kffiyah wearing brethren behind me speak Yiddish?”

  7. Moshe Abelesz

    I hope no one notices the Bamba crumbs in my beard

  8. “Biting the hand that feeds you cheesecake. – Shabbos Gerecht”
    “אלוהים ישמור!״

    Next to Hendon Adas Shool, is a Church which had a weekly poster which once proclaimed:
    “Jesus Saves” and somebody Graffitied underneath:
    “but Keegan gets the rebound”

    Once the successful Chomei-redim get their way, perhaps they”ll need J to save them after all?

  9. Moshe Abelesz

    “Hey. Check out that babe on the left”

  10. “By vot time vill ve be back in Bet Shemesh?”

  11. Moshe Abelesz

    “Did you also have no friends when you were a kid?”

  12. Adam Green

    ‘I told you not have beans for breakfast!’

  13. Adam Green

    Sorry Mike…’…not to have beans for breakfast!’ and make mine an ESB at the Holly Bush.

  14. Danny Landau

    “Hey Moishy, do we still have an obligation to daven Mincha when we are busy carrying out the important mitzva of helping to wipe out the Jewish people ?”

  15. Josh Haruni

    Moishe came for a Free Palestine vot do ve get mmm…?

  16. arlene greenhouse

    The Palestinians and Jews of Hendon, came together to protest the price hike of cheese cake at Mr. Baker.

  17. Jonny Bernstein

    “And you’re sure the man said seventy virgins?”

  18. What’s the yiddish for “I’m an inbred retarded cunt?”

  19. We just like free stuff. Obviously, we’d never work for a living.

  20. Adam Green

    My vote goes to Jonny Bernstein! Actually brilliant. Give the man a beer.

  21. Adam Green

    …That’s not a caption by the way Mike – just my vote – if you take votes?

  22. “Vot taam is Osher coming?”

  23. (If that didn’t bring a smile, you are not human, were born outside the UK – or inside, but after 1975 – or you’re a “penguin” yourself . . . and didn’t grow up with a “colour avoydoh zoroh”.)

  24. John Fisher

    The conservationalist, vegan, anti anything-that-smacks of profit, gentile at the left of the photo – he with the backpack carrying his “let’s make a day out of bashing the Zionists” wholewheat sandwiches and mineral water is saying:

    ” Look up Batman – Superman is on his way”

  25. Yitzchak Landau

    Looking at that Penguin clip, I couldn’t help but be transported back to the chess club and Mr Tarrant’s orange sandwich box which would always contain – every day without fail – an orange and a penguin bar (oh and I guess some sandwiches as well!)

  26. Josh Haruni

    Aah think you’re raaht, de women on mah left is ekshelly a man

  27. “Boycott? I remember Gournischt before Botham!”

  28. “They promised me herring, Avromi. Emess.”

  29. A free Palestine? I’ll take two.

  30. Jonny Bernstein

    With all deference to Adam’s kind endorsement, I think a little edit would not go amiss……

    “so, these 70 virgins he mentioned, did he happen to say if they all had to be girls?”

  31. The Sodovver Rebbe argues that it is not seveny virgins but one virgin aged seventy.
    Punishment not nourishment .

  32. Shimon Soester-Soreq

    Are you sure this is the Lubavitch Lag Beomer parade?

  33. Daniel Greenspan

    And as proof that we’ve lost the plot, not only are we standing with people that call for the end of the Jewish state…
    …but we’re actually attending a demonstration led by by the Socialist *Workers* party!

  34. “Die Juden sind unser Unglück!! . . . Oy vey, Avromi, I am starting to get too into this!”

    (Should I order myself those halves now?!)

  35. Oi Moshe, do ve have a minyan yet?

  36. “free palestine”, sounds good moishe, is this the queue?

  37. Mossad agents fail to blend in to anti-Semitic protest.

  38. Has anyone seen the afikoman?

  39. Is this megaphone milchik, parev or fleischik?

  40. “zeee this zayde on my left? zees beautiful maiden represents ze beauty of “palestine” and is ze type of vomen vee should allow on our buses in mea shearim…all zee ozer types are shmundies…”

  41. Hey Yossele, I speak Yiddish; ober vos iz shmundies? Are you by chance a Lutvak tzeilim kopf?

  42. JCWmoderator

    (In Yiddish:) “These idiots don’t realize that they all get the same 70 virgins …”

  43. The ‘ben hanide’ on the left, must have gone as far as having his payes and beard dyed red, after mohammed, who supposedly had a red beard. Or is the throwback of a crusader…!

  44. Another variation…
    Zey promised mir dem gantzen schwantz fun ze heiring!

  45. Jonny Bernstein

    Fetchez la vache!

  46. hey Ketzele….i know a few words in yiddish…went to a jewish school with lots of yiddish influence…lol…not a Ludvak kopf…
    vos iz shmundies? iirc, isn’t it like, “c**nt”, the opposite of “schm**k”?

  47. Don’t look now Chuneh-ganef, but I think the zonah on my left is the Harlot of Silwan.

  48. Sank you Yossele. In my neck of ze voods, we didn’t learn from such tings in cheider, but we did make up for it with all ze klules (curses)!

  49. JCW. I can translate it for you, if it will help.
    Die Vaizusus (meshugaim) vis’n nisht zei vell’n bakummen die zelbe 70 psiles.

  50. Before anyone corrects me that Vaisatha was no village fool, but Haman’s youngest son, I would point out that in the old country, Vaizusu was another version of a meshugene.

  51. Hadi Ben-Cohen

    So this Ante-israel chassedic Jew is saying to the friend….Hey Hayyim I have such good idea we can making fun with the non–jewish schikkzah and other the people also to prime Minister leeberman from israel together !!!!!

    No?

    Hadi

  52. It’s the way you tell ‘em. Don’t let them put you off, Hadi: a career in standup is clearly your calling!

    And I found another one . . .

  53. Hey – see the good looking frummer on your right, the one with the beard….. he’s doing your Mrs!

  54. daniel amini

    vot u say Moishe? vee go do a bissel shnorrering in GitJahre Gardens aftah dis – it’s mamesh occupied techitorry!

  55. Danny Landau

    Mike, what time does the competition end ? There’s some pretty impressive entries

  56. Hey Moshe – are we the ‘people’s front of Judea’ or ‘the judean people’s front’?

  57. I think we’re on a winner here Yanki – fella on my right watching chazerrim fly…

  58. Zis Shevvis vee stand against all chazerishe goishe cheesecake fun occupied Palestine – vee get it fun Gaza instead!

  59. daniel amini – you don’t understand, vee don’t go shnorerring no more; the Hendon ‘goim’ don’t give tzedukeh to real Yiiden like us. Vee are now on ze regular payroll of the Mukatta in Ramalllla. And venn zey run short, vee have ze little Vaizusu in Teheran as a backup.

  60. Seeing as my most intelligent reader, Matthew Kalman, has – on the basis, ostensibly, of insufficient Yiddish – declined the ‘honour’, I offer John Fisher (i.e., my other intelligent reader) the opportunity of adjudging the most humorous caption above (excluding, if he can manage it, his own).

    PS Why no names (and addresses) yet? If you are reading in Stamford Hill/North Manchester and recognise the gentlemen in question, you can post their details under a fictitious name (your e-mail address can only be seen by me . . . and I am prepared to add a double cherry brandy to my already overwhelming largesse!)

  61. daniel amini

    oy vey! is that the very same John Fisher ex Sinai Rosh? If so I don’t stand a chance in hell of winning (not that I stood a chance anyway) as he caught me snogging my girlfriend in the back of my dad’s Volvo in 1978 and fired me from my first job (Sinai Madrich)!

  62. Faiv’l, I tell you I’m tru with that Zionist cream cheese for Sheviis for good. Der Rebbe hot gepaskn’t vee use Palestinian lebaneh instead. Nu, how is it? Mine Yent’l zogt siz gut, ober es hot nit kein yiddishen taam!!

  63. John Fisher

    Mike

    You clearly have a Gospel fetish. I assume that after trying out Matthew you thought about your cousin, then couldn’t find a Luke and ended up with me.

    I admit to being a little insulted – not by being pubicly second-placed, but by being called intelligent. I have been called a lot of things in my time (even in the last hour and a half) but never “intelligent”.

    I am not sure how to define “insufficient Yiddish”. My knowledge is rudimentary but enough to be able to place the above efforts not so much in the courts of Hassidic Rebbes as on the pages of World War 2 Action Comics (“Ve vill kill you. Geshtarben, Yah”).

    Let it be said that judging this competition has been very difficult. There is really nothing to choose between the entries. Nothing.

    However, a winner there must be and so, here goes.

    In second place, displaying a touch of genuine black humour that this appalling incident so demanded is…………….Danny Landau with:

    “Hey Moishy, do we still have an obligation to daven Mincha when we are busy carrying out the important mitzva of helping to wipe out the Jewish people ?”

    But the winner – by a gnats’s whisker – is …….Iron ( gender unknown – but with the kind of language used, I sincerely hope male) for taking the obvious “Free” bit and turning it into something insulting in the extreme:

    “We just like free stuff. Obviously, we’d never work for a living.”

    Iron, if you would just like to step onto the stage to the rousing applause of your peers, you can (if you are a man) give me a bear hug or (if you are woman) give me peck on both cheeks and then deliver your acceptance speech.

    Please – no Jane Fonda/Vanessa Redgrave political histrionics. Remember, we Hymies still control Hollywood so if you don’t want to spend the rest of your career in Indie productions, behave yourself and tell everybody how much you love Israel.

  64. Mike, Ketzele is about to reveal all: I’m Reev’n Katz fun der alter heim. Not many of us left now. Zo you tink my name funny, do you? That’s because I’m named for my bubba Reeva, olov-hashulim. Und now, I live in Goldene Green, not far from ze crematorium, men zoll fun dehm nit wiessen, tu, tu, tu!

  65. Mike! I wish to appeal against the judge’s decision. Foist of all, there is no Yiddish content in it at all. Whatsmore, the man of Iron uses foul language. Though I do approve of the 2nd choice, which really deserved to come first.

  66. Hadi Ben-Cohen

    Guys …… Melchet mike likes my sugesttion and thinks its funny, because he got it about the chasidim they want have excuse to go on Lebirman when he’s here for israel and they can even stand with the non-Jews and do this!

    So have you considdred my entry for the winner??

    Sahbbat shalom

    Hadi

  67. Mike. I think that I at least deserve the consolation prize for sheer output, let alone my knowledge of mamelush’n.

    When I meet these clowns at counter demos I address them in Yiddish which is more authentic than their’s, because they were born in either the US, Israel or here. They can’t make me out, and consider me a Yiddish-speaking goy! Then I remind them of the shmonei-esreh they utter every day; V’lamalshinim al tehi tiqvah (and for slanderers let there be no hope) and at the same time they get a few choice curses thrown in, in Yiddish!!

    A gut’n Shabbes ‘n Yontef.

  68. John Fisher

    Ketzele

    Der Baschloss fun der arbiter is der letzter vort

    Gut Shabbes

  69. daniel amini

    robby – translation pls!

  70. John Fisher

    The referee’s decision is final.

    By the way, Danny. What bothered me then was that you were driving a Volvo. That is what I do now. But I am a grandfather.

  71. daniel amini

    sorry about that – my Porsche had gone in for service that day.. shabbat shalom & chag sameach

  72. So, it’s official: Matthew Kalman is my only intelligent reader!

    That John Fisher can choose that lame (apologies, Iron) effort from among so many creative entries merits my intervention as – to all intents and purposes where melchett mike is concerned – god (see About this Blog).

    I will make a decision – or try to tempt Kalman off his fence – early next week. In the meantime, I’ve got to run and take a shower – it’s nearly Shabbos, and I’m in Ra’anana tonight . . . where I will have to avoid Mr. Fisher in shul!

    A groyse gut Shabbos and chag sameyach to one and all . . . except, of course, to those three cunts, who I hope choke on their dairy products.

    melchy

    PS I just received the following, by e-mail, from a reliable source:

    “You’ll be pleased to hear that “our friends” car didn’t get home in the same condition that it arrived in.”

    There is a God! Anyone got any more info?

  73. daniel amini

    didn’t want to say anything but now that you mention it I thought Jonny Bernstein’s first effort was the best but who am I to judge – I’m certainly not an intelligent reader – can’t even read

  74. John Fisher

    Iron. If he overturns the decision you don’t get your money back. A deal is a deal.

  75. Yes Mike, apparently the two guys concerned got collared by an off-duty copper who was out jogging. Bad luck. Next time they ought to take me as their lookout man!! I take it the decision is not final then and I still have a chance.

    John Fisher, I detect some Yekke connection to your Yiddish; that won’t do.

  76. The appellate court – in this case, me! – is entitled to interfere where “a judge’s decision is so plainly wrong”: see G v G [1985] 1 WLR 647, [1985] FLR 894.

    Anyway, as his missus will attest, Iron can well do without two halves of Goldstar.

    Who “got collared by an off-duty copper”, Ketzele? More detail! And, yes, your entries are still in the running . . .

  77. John Fisher

    A Yekke?! A broch tzu dayn kop.

  78. Danny Landau

    Does second place at least win me half a diet coke ?

  79. A sheinem dank, but your Yidddish is still suspect.

  80. No one told you about austerity, Danny?

  81. daniel amini

    as I said above I can’t even read so vot do I know fun osterity??

  82. Mike. Apparently, a 19 and 17-year old (no names supplied) were seen smashing the car window concerned, at about 8pm in Brent St and arrested by the off-duty constable who was out jogging. They were both bailed, but face a charge of affray, and the 19-year old criminal damage as well. What rotten mazel!

  83. John Fisher

    Oon der oys “d” oyfen dayn keyboard, oych!

  84. Were the poor victims in the car at the time? I would hate to imagine their screams.

    (“Austerity” was directed at Danny Landau.)

  85. I am honoured to receive my first gold stars since primary school, even if they be virtual. Now I am off to make a film about the Maccabees with a guy called Mel.
    And the language used about those 3 mamzerim was restrained as per my true feelings, and as Melchy can attest, better than my everyday language too. I’ll be giving those hunts a bear hug if I ever see them. Thanks to all, even the aggrieved. Enjoy cheesecake.

  86. From the River to the Sea,
    Pal-e-SWINE Will Never Be!

  87. Shabbat is just out in London, as Yomtov comes in.
    Before I tuck into a large wedge of my wife’s mouthwatering heimishe-recipe cheesecake (no Mr Baker products in our home), I would just like to point out that this is my last entry, unless the competition remains open after Shavuot, or the cheesecake runs out! And is that according to Israel or the galut?

    Mike, perhaps I’m counting my chickens, but I shan’t be able to retrieve my prize until I come up to Jerusalem, early in July, for my grandson’s Barmitzva at the Kotel. Jaffa is out of bounds for me. I did use to go there years ago for a kosher Sephardi meal; cow’s udders and balls in all, not that I partook in any of that – it’s not exactly heimishe fare that I was reared on.

    Any Anglo should be able to make out my simplified Yiddish (straight fun der heim) especially ex-Hasmo boys. I do think you ought to consider a consolation prize, at the very least, for the best Yiddish effort, because that’s what these goons speak, to make it authentic.

    “Psst Usher, nu vus heert sich?” “Mamish yetzt hot der Timtamer Rebbe erklehrt ze baking-cheese oif Sheviis vos kumt fun die goishe-Zionist entity is shtreng Haram. Ober, die Palestinishe lebaneh keeze fun Um-el-Fakh’em is Halal mehadrin”. “Takkeh?” “Yoh, emmis!”

  88. “Shabbat is just out in London, as Yomtov comes in.”

    Thanks, ketzele (no more inverted commas?), I had forgotten that: in London you get a few minutes to quickly get on the laptop without being mechalel Shabbos or Yom Tov!

    Your last caption but not your last comment, I hope . . . whatever the judge’s verdict!

    Gut Yontif!

  89. Well-spotted Mike…

    Actually, I had it all prepared beforehand, and punkt as Shabbes came in, I broke off and closed the lid to my PC. The next day, at the precise moment Yomtov was coming in, knowing that it is a less sacred day than Shabbat, I clicked! Under the circumstances, I don’t think I will be consigned to the firery furnace of gehinnom for such a minor split-second transgression. At least I hope not; all for a moment of folly?…

    You may remember when you were in gulis, we had an extra day thrown in for Yontif, as a bonus. The Rabbunim, knowing full-well that few Yidden would turn up for a repeat performance, they tagged on Yizkor to the second day, to shlep you back to shuhl.

    On the first day, the kiddush was superb; viz plenty viskey, but today all we got was the pitiful leftovers. I never saw any cheesecake and as for the herring, all I could see were the well-chewed-up soggy schwantzen from the day before… And I’ll have you know, I belong to a posh, once baalbatishe shuhl, now known as Shnorrers Lea!

    Talking of going to Shuhl – it’s now late, just past midnight, but tomorrow I will tell why a Jew doesn’t need legs…!

  90. I apologise for coming back at this late hour. My wife and I were out boycotting the boycotters outside the Globe Theatre tonight, and afterwards we went for a vegetarian meal on Bankside.

    Mike, before I can agree to share my shtetl wisdom, I need to know if this is an exclusively Hasmo blog, if so, I must admit I’m an interloper! However, I can claim some protektzia and legitimacy here, by virtue of being one of Rabbi Shonfeld’s charges. He brought me to these shores 66 years ago at age 14 from Warsaw. Any ex-Hasmo should be able to add up the years and arrive at a grand total! By the way, is there any age limit?

    So here’s the joke I promised you. Why does a Yied not need legs.

    First of all in Shuhl geht er nisht!
    Zim bris brengtmen ehm.
    In cheider shleptmen ehm.
    Zie die chuppeh fiehrtmen ehm..
    Zim kever trogtmen ehm.
    Und zie die shikses kriecht ehr…!

    What’s the matter, why has the blog gone so shtill? Has the competition ended and I’m wasting my time?

  91. Vegetarian, Ketzele? Sounds like the boycotters won you over!

    As to whether or not “this is an exclusively Hasmo blog,” I believe you might find a clue in the blog heading . . .

    melchett mike (not “the hasmo blog”)

    Rabbi Schonfeld was, by all accounts, a true godol . . . though, due to the stupidity of the Hasmo powers that were (in letting the Rabbi get up in front of 600 “rotters” after he had clearly lost the plot), I merely recall a gentleman – with some form of palsy – ranting at school assemblies on subjects ranging from Concorde to mashed potatoes to the prohibition on boys dressing up as girls on Purim.

    Shtill waters run deep, Ketzele, and melchett mike is like one of those deceptively tzniyusdik frummer meidlech who looks like she never indulges in worldly pleasures. Rest assured that, with the Help of the Abishter, several hundred Yidden a day read your comments. . . and I hear that you are building up quite a following!

    As for the caption competition, let’s say that the taking part is more important than the winning. I’ll buy you a Goldstar all the same. But can you please translate that joke . . . I’ve got a feeling it’s got a nice dirty ending!

    Mike

    PS I’ve also got a feeling that you will enjoy (if you haven’t already) the following . . .

    http://melchettmike.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/hasmo-legends-xiii-a-legend-osher-strikes-back/

    http://melchettmike.wordpress.com/2009/09/10/hasmo-legends-xiv-conversations-with-osher/

  92. John Fisher

    Es iz doh a Yid in Norrice Lea vos redt Yiddish? Mit a gantzen shul fun englishe chayes? Moshiach tzayt! Ich bin geveyn a chaver fun der Vaad a sach yoren tzurik – ober ich red nisht Yiddish.
    A gut mitvoch

  93. Mike – I’m far from being a tzaddik, however, we only eat fish and vegetarian outside.

    I must confess I’m new to the Hasmo scene, as well as the melchettmike blog. To the best of my knowledge, the only ex-Hasmo boy I know is Daniel Marks, which I realised after looking at some of these links. I must say you were, and remain an unruly lot! However, it wasn’t much different at Gateshead Jewish Boarding School. We liked to compose lewd doggerel and so on, about the headmaster, his wife and daughters who lived adjoining the school, as well as other members of staff. I was put into Gateshead because I was too old to be fostered when I got to this country. No doubt the boys mended their ways by the time they got to Gateshead Yeshiva, which I rebelled against. I wanted to go out into the world and make money!

    Here’s the translation of why a Jew doesn’t need legs, as he never walks. To begin with: –
    To shuhl he doesn’t go.
    At his brit milah he is held.
    To the cheder he is shlepped along.
    To the chuppah he is led/escorted.
    To the grave he is carried.
    And after shikses he goes crawling!

    PS Was Lord Melchett any mishpocha to you? If so, you have a fine ancestral home, Villa Melchett, on the shores of Lake Kinneret you could lay claim to!

    John Fisher – I never was much enamoured with Anglo-Jewry; they are like the English, azoy, azoy! And it so happens that Norrice Lea is my local, but there is no one there to have a Yiddish vort with!

    A gutten Donnershtig.

  94. Melchett was – until last summer, when I decided to come and live amongst our cousins in Jaffa – my street in Tel Aviv.

    As for the lack of mama loshen at Norrice Lea, kennst nicht mein alter tante Renee?

  95. Renee who? She is obviously not a Melchett!

    Norrice Lea is now one of the largest communities in London, bursting at the seams with upwardly mobile young couples. I’m not one of the machers there, as well as a fairly new-boy myself, having got there about 18 years ago from Robin Hood country in the Midlands, where I had a knickers manufacturing plant, this kept me there. Consequently, I know few of the established old families. And if your tante speaks Yiddish, then she must be even older than I. I am eighty, pushing sixty, so I try to mix with the younger ladies! But I will endeavour to go one Wednesday afternoon for tea with the oldies in the shuhl hall. Should I manage to locate tante, would you like me to give her regards from her ‘butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth’ young nephew?

  96. Everyone at Norrice Lea knows my great auntie Renee, Ketzele, which causes me to wonder whether you might, at the very least, be familiar with a certain Albert de Gogan . . .

  97. Nope! Besides your great tante Renee, I have never heard of Albert de Gogan either…!

    After last weekend’s three-days-in-a-row attendance, I feel a bit shuhle’d off. And in view of a spot of gout and the long walk involved, I was looking forward to a rest this Shabbat. But I’m rather tempted to make the effort in the morning to shake the hand of the gentleman with this illustrious name. Normally, if you have a sheilah, you ask the Rabbi, but our Rabbi is new to the congregation. He is an American who came to us via the Roman and pagan city of Caesarea. Hitherto, I never knew that Caesarea had any need of a Rabbi!. But I like this guy; he was an officer in the IDF and that’s good enough for me.

    I shall report back in due course and meanwhile –
    A gutten Shabbes!

  98. John Fisher

    Ketzele

    On attaining the illustrious – and unearned – status of grandfather some years ago (the sweetest little girl in the world) I started to look for the elixir of life.

    I think you might be able to help me in my quest. An 80 year old (I did the arithmetic you suggested) who uses terms like “nope” and “guy” has really found his way into another generation.

    Ketzele, tell me your secret. You suggested above, correctly, that my Yiddish is a bit “suspect” (“non-existent” would be more accurate). I am not sure it is the only thing that is a bit suspect around here.

    Albert, Davina, Selena, Ketzele. You should all meet each other some time.

    Gut Voch

    John

  99. Hi John, I regret the tardy reply.

    Today, I’ve been following the Royal pageant on the Thames. It is of special significance to me for a couple of reasons, apart from the spectacle. Just over 66 years ago, I sailed into London Docks on a Swedish ship, chartered by Rabbi Shonfeld, (ex-Avigdor and Hasmo) together with a large bunch of unruly boys and girls from Poland. The wonder-bridge lifted its decks for us, like it did for the Queen today; the commentator said it was like a salute…. And like the Queen’s Royal barge, we tied up next to Tower Bridge, but unlike her, the sun shone for us!

    Furthermore, as a young man, rowing was my sport for many years until I finally settled down at 33, and and got married! I know every inch of that stretch of waterway, the bends, currents and wind directions (my rowing club was at Hammersmith Bridge.) In those days there was no Thames barrier, with rougher waters that made rowing on a day with high winds and rain like today, a lot more challenging.

    Now to get to the point; yes, I am trying to cultivate my blog-speak, like hi, nope, guy, and so on, this is going to be the new me! Whether it makes you feel any the younger, I’m not sure. I have no magic formulae for the Elixir of Life. Some say that as you get more advanced in years, younger women boost your ego and can make you feel younger. As a proud grandfather, you would hardly want to emulate the likes of Strauss-Kahn, would you? Tell me though, who is Davinia and Selena? What distinguished names!

    Finally, your Yiddish is not bad at all.

  100. Clever… “who is Davinia [sic]”…..every bit the innocent young 80 year old !

    How is Klaus, by the way?

  101. John Fisher

    I had totally forgotten Klaus. Wasn’t he the boyfriend who had a free transfer from Davina to Selena? Selena, are you out there?

  102. In Petach Tikvah, the lot of ‘em, if you want my educated guess

    No offence, but……classic case of M.P.D., a la Hitchcock’s “Marnie” (1964)?

  103. I’ve had it on good authority that no less than Abie – Hasmo Legend Rabbi Abrahams – was one of the locals who confronted the Goodyers Gardens Three (pictured above) a fortnight ago.

    Unconfirmed, however, are reports that the Three were told “I don’t like it,” before being repeatedly slapped around the thighs.

    Any readers care to provide the long and short of it?

  104. It was shite authority (see previous comment): It wasn’t the same Rabbi Abrahams!

    I am, however, proud to announce that one of the vigilantes (in its loosest sense!) who (allegedly) trashed the penguins’ vehicle is the son of a boy from my Hasmo year!

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