Tel Avivians spend more time looking for car parking spaces than thinking about sex.
Even though this fact never applied to me – and perhaps not feeling comfortable as the exception to the rule – I recently bought a space.
That space (and this one is true) is worth more than my ex girlfriend’s three room apartment in Be’er Sheva. Even though that might have something to do with the trade around my space being neither sex nor narcotics – and the common language being comprehensible to people other than compatriots of Borat – you get the point . . . parking in Tel Aviv is a nightmare.
It is quite common for residents, returning home from work, to spend 30 minutes plus driving round and round in silent (and sometimes not so silent) prayer. The situation is so bad that the Tel Aviv Municipality, not known for its charity or mercy, even allows residents to request the cancellation of up to two parking tickets a year.
The single most irritating thing in this country (and there is stiff competition) is the saving of parking spaces. Imagine suddenly finding a space, after ages of fruitless circling, only to discover that there is some plonker (“My friend is just coming”) standing in it.
I’d love to see them try and pull something like that in South London.
My first instinct is always to run them over. Then reason sets in. And there’s the rub . . . that Jews, even of the Israeli variety, just know that they would have to be bloody unlucky to find one of their brethren willing (and able) to resort to physical violence. Hence, the ridiculously high levels of chutzpah in Israel.
Now here’s a great business idea for the enterprising British graduate . . .
Why volunteer as a “human shield” for Palestinians – Gaza is a horrible place to be after the comforts of university life – when you can live in Tel Aviv, making money saving parking spaces for beleaguered local drivers?
Cash considerations aside, you wouldn’t be helping save the homes of suicide bombers . . . and you’d stand a far better chance standing in the way of a 1989 Fiat Punto than a spanking new Caterpillar bulldozer.