HOT . . . in the bedroom and under the collar

Over a drink in Tel Aviv yesterday evening, a friend divulged details to me of the HOT Action that he and his girlfriend have been enjoying in the bedroom.

Alas, he was not referring to “action” of the rumpy-pumpy, bit of the other, “ooh err missus” sort . . . but that of the Channel 14 variety (14 is the action movie channel on Israel’s HOT cable TV network).

A mere matter of weeks into a new relationship – and with a particularly attractive woman – said friend, who doesn’t have a television in his own apartment, has started to appreciate the benefits of his girlfriend’s.

So, every evening, they rip off each other’s clothes, jump into bed . . .  and watch telly.

This, it has to be said, does not bode particularly well for their relationship. HOT’s standard fare of tasteless wannabe/quasi-celebrity “Isratrash” and shit films (repeated ad infinitum) has transformed the international news networks – BBC, CNN, Fox, and Sky – into the staple television diet of most English-speaking households in Israel.

I pay a monthly 210 shekels (about 35 British pounds) to, in effect, have Sky News “rolling” on in the background – it has taken on an elevator music-like quality in my apartment – but, essentially, for the luxury (for a further 50 shekels) of being able to watch the English Premier League from Dexxy’s and Stuey’s (previously my) Rechov Melchett couch.

"I hate HOT!"HOT’s abysmal programming (with the notable exception of Channel 8 documentaries) is matched only by its miserably inefficient, unreliable and thoroughly discourteous customer service . . . easily the worst I have experienced in a country in which it faces formidable competition in that regard (see my earlier post, The Buyer’s a Freier).

There is even a Hebrew website, Ani soneh et HOT! – translated as “I hate HOT!” (logo above) – dedicated to the seemingly widespread contempt for the network. (If any readers of melchett mike wish to suggest a more worthy contender for the title of Worst Customer Service in Israel, please do so below.)

I spent yesterday morning – like so many others during my decade in Israel – pulling my hair out in the futile wait for a HOT technician. “Seven-thirty to nine,” I had been confidently assured by HOT’s telephone customer service representative.

The technician didn’t turn up. Neither did he call. And, to add insult to injury, after I demanded compensation for the wasted two hours off work, HOT’s customer service manager offered me a temporary extra channel (to add to the over one hundred others that I never watch).

“The Food Channel? What . . . for a WHOLE MONTH?! Wow! Yeh! That’ll be fine then.”

When the technician finally did turn up, yesterday evening, Dexxy treated herself to a taste of his calf. That showed him! Bastard.

So, I will be voting with my feet and switching to HOT’s satellite competitor, YES. Either that, or I will splash out a one-off 400 shekels for a receiver that will allow me to view Israel’s handful of terrestrial channels.

And, should I desire some HOT Action, I could always pop round to my friend’s girlfriend . . . sounds like he could definitely do with some ‘assistance’ in that regard.

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10 responses to “HOT . . . in the bedroom and under the collar

  1. While on miluim a few weeks ago, one of my Russian-speaking colleagues pointed out that in the Russian alphabet, the letter H is pronounced the way we Anglos pronounce N.
    So which company should we go with, Yes or Not?

  2. Ellis Feigenbaum

    They are all a pile of junk, the only question is, is it worth 300 shekels a month to watch the premier league and the champions league on hd?
    I vote we need to watch the footie but would be happy to pay much less.

  3. Not disregarding Hot’s place in the Israeli pantheon of lousy service, I’m experiencing Pelephone’s execeptionally non-existent service which includes listening to service reps quarreling with each other over the phone and by e-mail, promises never to be fulfillled, sales reps swearing on their mothers graves and much much more.
    Meanwhile, reception in my house is quite good , provided that I stand in a 15 degree recline on the northernmost corner of my kitchen table.
    The service in Pelephone is the type that would require normal companies to work very hard, for them to reach so low.

  4. When i signed up to HOT the salesman, Omri, admitted that the customer service department was abysmal and was kind enough to give me his mobile number with the suggestion that I call him direct should I have any problems. His number is 054 707 6380.

  5. I see my balls that night were Dexxy’s “starter”.

    Nice seeing you the other night.

    Shuli

  6. Yes, Dexxy said they weren’t very filling!

    (For any readers who are wondering . . . Shuli popped by a couple of hours before the HOT technician, and was ‘greeted’ with a jump into the testicles. He was visiting Tel Aviv on a personal peace mission to make up for his previous homophobic outrages on melchett mike. Some of the “boys” who saw us walk down Rothschild together told me that they had been quite impressed by Shuli’s “package” . . . but I informed them that it was just the swelling caused by Dexxy’s over-exuberance!)

  7. I just moved apartments, called HOT, they came the next day on time and did a great job! Whilst customer satisfaction is somewhat of a rarity in Israel – this time with HOT, it was a good experience, NOT to say I’ve experienced much worse… which I have.

  8. Headline in yesterday’s Haaretz:

    “HOT’s defense against class action: We don’t cease service when asked because most clients don’t mean it”

    You couldn’t make it up!

  9. Just stumbled across this oldie from Savta zals thread.
    Have to say that have been a long standing client of HOT, about 8 years long standing, and truthfully can only praise the customer service and technical support, both for tv and internet services. The tv programming does need improvement, but the competition isn’t much better, if at all, so that is something that has to be lived with.

    sey.

  10. Sey, who are we to judge that you have chosen a life of drugs? 😉

    To be fair to HOT – and to my complete surprise – I see that the David Haye v. Audley Harrison world title fight is ‘live’ on Sport 1 (Channel 54) at 11:55 tonight. You would have to fork out 15 quid to watch that on Sky pay-per-view in the UK.

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