Getting ready to rock ‘n’ roll with Iran

“If you will it, Dude, it is no dream.”   

".אם תרצו, אין זו אגדה"

I open my one hundredth posting to melchett mike with a quote from my all-time favourite movie character, The Big Lebowski‘s Walter Sobchak.           

This Polish-Catholic American convert to Judaism – the brilliant creation of the Coen brothers and John Goodman – was, however, quoting some other dude with a long black beard.  

And whiling away the hours at ‘our’ kiosk on Rothschild yesterday morning – I’m working part-time these days (I am 42, y’know!) –  in 27°C heat (nine times the 3°C in my native London) was enough to make me feel that I am living the “dream” . . . if not precisely the one that Theodor Herzl (above right) had in mind.                       

But, whilst we were indulgently licking the ketzef (foam) off our hafuchs (lattes), in Tehran –  on the anniversary of the 1979 Islamic Revolution – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was letting the crowds, but more importantly Iran’s enemies, know that his terror state is already producing weapons-grade uranium. And Iran’s claim to be a nuclear state, together with yet another call from its President for Israel to “be finished off”, makes Tel Aviv’s hedonism-as-usual somewhat surreal and me considerably more concerned than I was a few months ago.                      

Amongst the sun worshippers at our table yesterday morning was Martin Goldberg, a fellow ex-Hasmo (1975-1982).          

“I don’t worry about things over which I have no control,” Martin declared when I brought up the subject of Iran.                      

But isn’t that precisely what we should be worried about?!        

The truth is that I don’t really worry about such things either. But I certainly do think about them . . .
  • My gas mask – allocated during the Second Intifada, in 2000 – was collected a couple of years ago, but never replaced. 
  • Where is my “local” (bomb shelter)?
  • Even if I find it, would there really be any point in going in?
  • Would Stuey and Dexxy be allowed in?
  • And, should the unthinkable become the inevitable, would there be a mass exodus from Ben Gurion?

I, for one, certainly won’t be going anywhere . . . other than, perhaps, to my mother’s in Netanya (surely the poisonous Persian dwarf isn’t interested in ex-pat octogenarians playing bridge by the sea?)     

Whilst it is always depressing to hear about incidents like those at the University of California and Oxford Union, earlier in the week – the sooner these knuckle-draggers find their caves in Afghanistan the better – there are no shortage of idiots here. And, though (unlike The Jerusalem Post) a proper newspaper, the daily, intellectual masturbation (left hand) in Ha’aretz never ceases to vex.    

In Wednesday’s edition, for instance, the Israeli novelist and playwright, A.B. Yehoshua – who, displaying such childlike naïvety, should probably be renamed A.B.C. Yehoshua – opined that peace with the Palestinians would neutralise the Iranian threat (full article).    

By Jove, A.B., so simple! So brilliant! Why didn’t we think of that?! A quick, lasting peace with the Palestinians . . .   

What planet do these tossers live on? Ahmadinejad is motivated by an Islamofascist hatred of Jews, not love for the Palestinians. And, until the last one of us has turned out the lights – or until he has, Allah forbid – he won’t rest.     

Iran under Ahmadinejad: entering a world of pain

Now is not the time for intellectualising or infighting – though we Jews excel at both – but for solidarity. After all, which of us would really want to be in Bibi’s or Barak’s shoes at this critical juncture in Jewish history?     

The very best that we can hope for now is that the little brown Hitler will soon, somehow, be deposed. Otherwise, quoting our antihero Walter (right) once again, Iran may well be “entering a world of pain”.    

In order to protect “three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax,” Israel will need to be prepared for all eventualities – even to “roll on Shabbos” – and will have to summon a different type of “will” than that referred to by Herzl. 

It had better be an iron strong one.


11 responses to “Getting ready to rock ‘n’ roll with Iran

  1. “in 27°C heat (nine times the 3°C in my native London)”

    Yeah, but in Farenheit, it’s barely over double.

    Who taught you physics, anyway?

  2. “Urrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, Iiiiiiiiisaacsonnnnn . . .”

    That should give you a clue, Allan! 😉

  3. Hi Mike

    Just out of interest and without any particular agenda of my own, what have you got against the J-post, as opposed to Haaretz, or for that matter, Yediot? From the online versions I regularly look at, the quality or lack of it seems much of a muchness………..


  4. Dan,

    Ha’aretz is the closest Israel comes to The Guardian or Independent.

    Even though closer politically to The Daily Telegraph – my preferred UK newspaper (good hard news coverage and excellent sport) – The Jerusalem Post does not deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as it. It is not even as as good a read as The Jewish Chronicle.

    Ma’ariv and Yediot Acharonot, meanwhile, are poorer versions of The Daily Mail and Sun, respectively. And the newspaper versions don’t appear in English.

    Believe me, I detest some of the views expressed in Ha’aretz. But, as a read, it is streets ahead of The Post.

    Just my view . . .


  5. I don’t agree. While I agree that Ha’aretz is on a higher level than Yediot and Ma’ariv, I don’t think that the difference is anything like that existing between the Guardian and the Sun. I too enjoyed reading Ha’aretz but cancelled my subscription many years ago over their editorial policy.

    Regarding Ahmadinejad and Iran, I don’t feel that I have much wisdom to share or insight to offer. I have no secret plans to solve the problem and if I did have I doubt anyone would pay attention anyway.

    Maybe prayer!?

    Good thing Mike had his tefillin fixed.

  6. Mike, I retract everything I said re: your posting on the Israeli male. This posting is very entertaining and your description of a typical morning on Rothschild sums it up. Don’t worry about Ahmadinejad, Walter Sobchak (who’s f…. shomer shabbos) surely wouldn’t. Ahmadinejad , that man is a nihilist. There’s nothing to be afraid of !

  7. “I don’t think that the difference is anything like that existing between the Guardian and the Sun.”

    Agreed. It was a rough guide.

    “Regarding Ahmadinejad and Iran, I don’t feel that I have much wisdom to share or insight to offer.”

    Marks, you are only good for Hasmos and homos!

    And, Aharon, I am delighted that I have redeemed myself. 😉

  8. I was requested to express an opinion regarding the Iranian question, but quite honestly I don’t have one:

    1. I believe that Lieberman, Bibi and probably even Barak all care as much about Israeli security and Jewish survival as I do.

    2. I could say that there are many things issues that I don’t know and am maybe unable to understand anyway. However, the truth is, that I only know very few things and I have doubts about most of them too. Frankly, I’m not even sure what it is that I don’t know.

    Specifically, I have no idea what is going on behind closed doors either here or in Washington or during our meetings with the Americans.

    3. There is one thing that I am sure about as surely as the sun rises in the morning. That is that we have nobody to lean on, but on our Father who is in heaven.

    “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”

  9. You choose “Sandy Koufax” he played baseball, and you love cricket!!?

  10. I was quoting Walter Sobchak.

  11. Nicky Goldberg

    just started reading your blog mike.. really really fantastic.. you should be out there writing and not holed up in or akiva!! Good and terrifying stuff.. still debating on whether i can face pulling my head out of the sand.. so overwhelming and i feel so small and helpless… still.. i have such a (maybe misplaced) strong faith in israel’s ability to be the bull terrier that the world needs… thank god we are here.. shame the world doesn’t appreciate it….

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