Is it just me?! (The Odelia Poll)

If nothing else, melchett mike has always endeavoured to take an honest, warts and all approach (what, after all, is the purpose of a personal blog?) It is with this in mind that, swallowing a large dose of pride, I document my major dating talking point this month. I do so, too, because I am often left wondering “Is it just me?!” On this occasion, I thought I would let you, the reader, decide . . .

Shopping for floor tiles in a plush Ramat Gan store, a fortnight ago, the sales assistant – on learning that I was single and open to meeting a divorcée with kids – dragged me over to Bathrooms.

“What do you think?” Gila surreptitiously enquired under the ingenious – she had clearly done this before – guise of showing me a mirror, though with her gaze firmly fixed on the female seated directly behind us, in the mirror’s reflection.

“Yes, she looks nice,” I whispered back. Odelia was attractive in a harsh, distinctly sephardic kind of way. “Anyway, it’s only coffee,” I qualified, on our saunter back to Tiles, trotting out the commitmentphobe lawyer’s standard, without prejudice, response to such offers. “What have I got to lose?”

Within a day or two – Gila was determined, clearly, not to let me off the hook – I had received a telephone number. And on the phone, Odelia, who is 33, sounded most un-T.A. Woman: she had had enough of aggressive Israeli men, was looking for something serious, and – coming from Kiryat Gat (halfway between Ashkelon and Hebron) – had no time for Tel Aviv and the “scene.”

Odelia and I spoke virtually every evening that week. And so enjoyable and encouraging were our conversations that I even shared my excitement about our impending first date, on the Thursday evening, with my cousin (just a few more lines to go, doomsayers!)

Then the meeting (in Rechovot, where Odelia lives). A kiss on each cheek, continental style, followed by an immediate decision: Dublin, an Irish pub, or the bland-looking café next-door? As we closed in on the latter (her choice), Odelia’s phone rang. A brief, somewhat stilted, conversation ensued, to which I didn’t pay much attention, only noticing Odelia mutter “I will tell you later” at its end. Then, with all the credibility of Andie “Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed” MacDowell in Four Weddings (she almost ruined it single-handedly, didn’t she?!), Odelia said “I am so sorry. That was the babysitter. She has to go home. There is always next week.”

Being particularly quick on the uptake, I just knew that something was up. But what does one say? All I could come up with was a line – not bad in the circumstances, when I think back – about never having had that excuse used on me. Then, more kisses – I had never had so many, and so soon, on a first date – followed by the more optimistic thought, on the 35 minute drive home, that “The babysitter really must have had to go home. After all, someone who sounded that nice on the phone . . .”

Sure enough, however, when I sent Odelia the litmus text the following morning,  informing her that I was looking forward to the next opportunity, I received a curt one back stating that, after giving it some thought, she felt it “loh matim” (not suitable).

The incident ate away at me that entire weekend. Not because my ego had been bruised (it is not that fragile), but because I simply could not understand how someone – especially someone who had sounded so great all week – could behave with such insensitivity and rudeness. I am no tzadik (whatever melchett mike regulars may choose to believe!), but how many blind dates had I sat through and behaved civilly during – so as not to hurt the feelings of the person sitting opposite me – even when I had no intention of “nailing” them? And however many times a friend, Hanna, told me just to “forget about it,” that Odelia obviously “wasn’t worth it,” and that I had had a “lucky escape,” it all sounded like empty cliché . . . when all I wanted to do was to vent my spleen.

So, at 9:30 on the dot on the Sunday morning, I called up the store, and – saying that I needed it in relation to an order – obtained Odelia’s e-mail address. Within ten minutes, all of the weekend’s pent-up feelings were out of my system . . .

Attention: Odelia (Personal)

Hi Odelia,

I just wanted to say – I told you that I am very honest and direct – that your behaviour has been disgusting, and befitting of an ignorant, low-class frecha [Israeli equivalent of a British Sharon].

It was immediately obvious to me that the telephone call you received, on Thursday evening, was pre-planned. I was not born yesterday (and you are an extremely poor actress).

I agreed to meet you, in spite of your having 2 kids, not because you are as wonderful as you appear to think, but because Gila said you were a “nice person.”

Of course, we will not be attracted to every person we meet – and I have been out with prettier, and certainly more educated and high-class, women than you – but we should still treat them with a minimum of respect and decency.

And why come out with all that bullshit on the telephone, about Israeli men and Tel Aviv, when you are no better than any of them?!

You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

Mike

PS Keep an eye on my blog – https://melchettmike.wordpress.com/ – I believe you may soon find it very interesting . . .

Now, okay, my response may have been a little OTT. With the benefit of another couple of days’ cooling-off, I may well have omitted certain parts of it. And, while not regretting having sent the e-mail, I do not publish it here out of pride (indeed, I have been advised that doing so will do little for my dating prospects . . . though if I had been the type to turn the other cheek, you, in all probability, would not now be reading melchett mike).

Anyhow, that is what happened. And that is how I reacted.

Admittedly, too, I did once escape a blind date in Haifa by going to the loo and not coming back (there were, however, extenuating circumstances: the nut had started yelling at me as soon as she got into the car, about why I only wanted to go for coffee and not spend the entire evening with her at the Haifa Film Festival – indeed, so relieved was I to have got away that, on my descent of Mount Carmel, I turned up the volume in a self-conscious, -congratulatory and celebratory re-creation of Pulp Fiction’s Flowers On The Wall scene).

And we have all heard of similar blind date experiences (feel free to add your own below – therapy for both of us!): A friend emerged from her building, only to be told by the charming Israeli male, at the same time gesturing her away with his hand, not to bother emerging any further. And an English friend was once taken to a Primrose Hill pub and given a fiver to get the drinks, while the date said that he was just going to check that he had locked the Porsche. He never returned.

According to Hanna’s pop (to my mind) psychology, in sending Odelia that e-mail I had “lowered myself to her level.” And according to another friend, Tamar, you just “can’t change people.”

But why the hell not?! I just don’t get it . . .

This c*nt (when no other word will do) had wasted an evening of my existence, and even made me schlep to Rechovot for the privilege. To my way of thinking, however backward, you can’t just let people get away with behaving however they like, without saying or doing anything. I had got the pent-up anger out of my system. And even if Odelia had just deleted my e-mail (as Hanna further suggested), it could not have been pleasant to receive it (and at work).

Not revenge exactly, but maybe, just maybe, it will cause her to think twice, next time. Though I leave the verdict to you, the reader (by poll and, if you wish, comment too) . . .

Advertisements

50 responses to “Is it just me?! (The Odelia Poll)

  1. Moshe Abelesz

    you were direct and honest – nothing wrong in that… on your side, mate

  2. Your mum should have warned you about tile sales staff…

  3. Its really just so ugly of you to do that. Who are your role models? If you have any, how would they act in such a situation? Where is your moral compass? There is no excuse for bad behavior – hers or yours.

    You would have made her think about you forever in a good light if you answered her graciously and the way you answered her will make her laugh at you forever. Next time someone says to you that you don’t match, just for fun respond “You’re beautiful smart girl and I wish you all the luck… good bye”. If she had some small amount of doubt about you not matching, that response will reverse her into having a major doubt about you not matching. If there was no doubt then you were never in the game and at least you walked away a gentleman.

    Just some unsolicited advice…

  4. Thank you for your comment, Nicholas. You are a very smart boy. And you are my “role model” from now on (not Charlie Sheen) . . .

    How’s that for turning a new leaf? 😉

  5. If, as Wilde remarked, America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between, at this rate you are going to be the only bloke who went from bachelorhood to divorce without marriage in between. Your mother is right. Time for grandchildren.

    PS I promise NEVER to stand you up for lunch again. I don’t think I could take the public pillorying.

  6. i think that you have certainly raised the bar in the;
    “response following unsubtle abandonment on blind date” category.
    i particularly enjoy the sinister warning at the end of the email…as if your message wasn’t clear enough!! ..she’ll definitely call back i reckon..

  7. dizengoff dave

    seeing as the pervy wanky bastad katsav’s not going straight to jail (anyone care to explain why not?)… i’d force odelia to have her next date with him!

  8. Michael Goldman

    OK Mike.
    I’m breaking my vow of silence coz I can see you are in dire need of help!
    KEEP THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE MOROCCAN WOMEN.
    Though you like to think you are integrated in our great society.
    you don’t stand a chance.
    If anything had come out of your little date she woulda chewed you up and spit you out .
    How can you possibly fall for the “Oh I’m so tired of the Tel Aviv scene” line?
    THE ONLY MEN WHO COULD EVER MANAGE A MOROCCAN WOMAN WERE MOROCCAN MEN.
    Even they can’t handle them any more ever since it became illegal to beat up on the wife.
    Mike sorry to disapoint but you need a Golders Green girl.Maybe Maybe Maybe you could handle a quiet American (North) but don’t even dream of the Morrocan women….Ok dream but don’t touch.
    Look if you have to post a stupid little questionaire to get your reader’s approval of your behaviour you won’t stand a chance!
    Now stop moaning and groaning and groaning and moaning.Just thank G-d for your escape and find a more suitable mate.

  9. Invaluable advice from a man clearly with so much experience of the ladies, in all their shades (though what have “Moroccan women” got to do with anything?!)

    Welcome back, Michael. We’ve missed the rants!

  10. Milton Pincus

    Wow! Dropping the “c” word. A little extreme, Mikey. Yes, you’ve become a complete Israeli and overreacted.

  11. It is underused, Milton! I trust you have seen this scene in Curb . . .

    You’ve gotta love Larry!

    And what we Brits could learn from the Yanks is that it can be used for women (like Odelia), too.

  12. Mike

    I know the “new leaf” could turn you into a Charlie Sheen ex the insanity, drugs and alcohol and in with all the full-time fluffers.

    Milton, “Cunt” is an English word and I know Mike is a thoroughly English man and I don’t see how describing Odelia as a “C” makes one more Israeli, other then an Israeli might not be able to command the English language as well as an Englishman.

    BTW, is it polite or cowardice to lie to your face in order to leave a date and then being honest the day after by text?

    Anyway, as I said before there’s no excuse for bad behavior which means you are not going to have any fluffers unless you start to respect all fluffers.

  13. dave the brave aka blooth

    Mike,

    Love the rant, my usual rant is directed to the Shadchan who sets you up with a tall doctorate student who’s very good looking and you find yourself having to be polite to a “doctor” who you would be inclined to charge to touch you! I say boycott the store or at least the tiles section!

    Also cut out the phone talk its totally misleading and a waste of your time and energy!

    Got to say, that despite my better judgment I will come out and totally agree with M Goldman on this, Nicholas is obviously totally barmy or living in well mannered Great Britain :-).

    PS you really cant change people, but if they act like dogs well… then u must try..

  14. Mike,
    Get yourself to Ireland for some TLC.
    You might meet the woman of your dreams there.
    Ps, My cousin is still waiting for you to start reviewing Israeli Hotels and Apartments. Not my idea!
    Best
    Jas

  15. Thanks for the new word, Nicholas (though I don’t know when I’ll next be needing it: the word, I mean, not a fluffer!) . . .

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluffer

    Is that the meaning you intended? Or were you referring to women generally?

    Re your question (“is it polite or cowardice to lie to your face in order to leave a date and then being honest the day after by text?”), if I understand it correctly, I have considered it . . .

    My view is that if you are in the blind date ‘game,’ one of the unwritten ‘rules’ is that you have to be prepared to sit and talk to someone, even if you immediately know that you will not subsequently be interested in bedding, dating, and/or marrying them.

    There is a big “machloykes,” however, about the decent, minimum length of time that you have to do this for: I think it is an hour, though I know some who consider 30 minutes more than enough.

    What annoyed me most about the C*nt is that she had clearly gone to the length, prior to the date, of arranging for a friend to call her a few minutes into it. Forgive me, Nicholas, but I don’t see anything “polite” or “honest” in such an approach (I think my friend Hanna used the word “scum” when I told her what had happened). To my mind, a “thanks but no thanks” text message, following a quick coffee, would have been the decent course of action.

    And, Dave, I didn’t get the point re the shadchanit and the tall doctoral student (though she sounds like a shadchanit worth knowing!) . . . am I just being fick, this morning, or are my readers becoming increasingly incoherent?!

  16. Mike, face it you are an ugly dog…….don’t blame her !!!

    (honestly, u did the right thing …wouldn’t have done it any differently except that I was always the one to walk away !!!!!)

  17. Mike

    She was rude, lied to you and was a coward and her behavior was wrong. Its not a mortal sin though and didn’t deserve your email treatment – actually no-one deserves this treatment. Have you ever told a date to her face after minutes of meeting her that you honestly don’t match – in good faith. It’s not easy to do – I once slept with a girl with poor self esteem.

    Anyway, I was being ironic, insisting on respecting woman in general and referring to them as fluffers in the same sentence (as defined by your Wiki attachment.)

    However, it is important to know that in all the good you can imagine in the woman you choose for yourself and in all the good she sees in herself, there is a time of the day when all she will want to be is your fulltime fluffer. Make sure she knows that too. Ask your friend Hanna whether she agrees.

  18. You are on dodgy ground here, Shuli! Two particular stories spring to mind: the first in Hampstead, involving an old school friend of ours, and the second in Yemin Moshe, in our yeshiva days . . .

    How much did you say you are going to sponsor me for my next Norwood bike ride?! 😉

  19. Mark Goldman

    Not sure what all the fuss is about. It was clear from the start that you were both looking for something more than just friends. As soon as you met, she realized that physically, you just weren’t her type. Rather than prolong the evening, waste her time AND yours, she came up with an ‘escape’ plan.

    Perhaps next time ‘friend’ each other on fb, exchange some pictures etc.
    Don’t mean to sound harsh.
    Looking forward to seeing you when I’m in town in a few weeks – I promise not to do a runner. 😉

  20. dave the brave aka blooth

    Mike.

    Its simple really, what’s not to get, women all over the world have admitted that they have a friend call so they can escape a creepy date – although i wouldn’t put you in that category so use of aforementioned technique (never walked out on or done the walking out) as someone is not ones type is rude and shows a lack of manners.

    We can all agree that I hope.

    I simply state that as your tile sales lady insisted she was nice…
    The blame also lies with her at least for “miss” selling!

    Oh and to clarify as you are being a bit fick – don’t buy the sales spiel.
    There is no sales of goods act covering your intended purchase – or advertising standards!

  21. Who gives a shit about the rights and the wrongs, you did what you had to do (but don’t do it again).

    Love to know how she saw it but alas you have burnt your boats and we will never know.

    Most importantly you write really well and that was a ripping yarn. Thanks Mike (also an extra big kiss for that useless shadkhanit, Gila).

  22. Ben Wulfsohn

    Two mistakes as I see it:
    1) Numerous and/or long conversations on the phone prior to the actual first date. That is rarely a good use of time, and can actually spoil the date itself, as you find yourself having run out of things to say to each other, leading to awkward (and deal-killing) silences.
    2) Responding with an e-mail of any kind. The attitude at that point should be, “I’m too good for you and won’t waste one more second of my time thinking about you.” By sending the e-mail, you are basically giving her the power (i.e., I care about you more than you care about me and am writing to tell you who you hurt my feelings).

  23. Simon Barget

    I am fascinated by this little post, fascinated, and it reminds me so much of myself.

    Are you still so weak that you cannot handle someone not liking you? Would you have wanted to handcuff her to the table? At your age?

    You think you’re honest but you’re not. You’re clever and evasive, and very good with words. But that won’t get you a nice bit of cunt. If you were honest you’d let the situation run as it did. You’d stare rejection squarely in the face and feel the awful pain. It’s horrible and even more painful when you have to hold it all within yourself and not let it leak out onto some mangy blog. No, I’m being harsh, I really like your writing. But that’s what you need to do. You see, our parents never taught us how to suffer properly. They wanted to soften the blow but life doesn’t work like that.

    When you face the suffering head on, you’ll start not to care about it as much, and guess what, other people will sense it. It’s called confidence. Perhaps she sensed your lack of as soon as she saw you. Happens all the time with me, but not as much as it used to. Plus I’m very cute, which helps. You just have to call a spade a spade.

    I love Israel because it doesn’t countenance my excuses. You live and die by the sword. You can’t fail and then say, well I should have succeeded. You fail and acknowledge failure and forget about it. Live, be a man. Stop hiding.

  24. Smell anything, anyone?!

    “Plus I’m very cute”

    You are certainly “very” something, Simon!

  25. Lawrence Green

    The unfortunate process of meeting someone on a blind date and its outcome (which is almost always best forgotten and which can usually be described as a non-event) is inevitably a somewhat protracted business.

    That elusive magic in the air called mutual attraction often takes no longer than two seconds in face-to-face social interaction. In contrast to the quick glance you took in Gila’s mirror, the blind date and its ugly aftermath is frequently and grotesquely extended to periods that, if not exactly measurable in geologic time, at least seem to be.

    I agree with those who recommend a previously agreed time limit – certainly no more than one hour I’d say, although if those elusive sexual sparks rise scintillatingly into the night sky, an extra half an hour can usually be negotiated – and who knows, if its love at first sight – add an extra ten minutes for the trip to the condom machine.

    I fear that by making your encounter with Odelia the subject of not only a detailed descriptive account and by recording for posterity your emotional responses, an online questionnaire – and now a fairly protracted discussion, you are giving it an importance it doesn’t deserve. But who am I to judge the literary merit of your piece: perhaps one day students of literature will spend many constructive hours analysing its style and artistic merit and not just its somewhat banal content. But then again, I wonder, who am I to judge the insights it presents into social interactions and Israeli society?

    Perhaps one day it will appear in a learned Sociological journal. In writing the piece and posting the survey results, you may have transcended the superficiality of the experience you endured.

    I do agree that persons, particularly of her age and experience, should show more respect and tact but what happened is all part of life’s rich ugliness and was, you could say, ultimately honest, in an unpleasant kind of way.

  26. now i am not usually a commenter… but how could i not after that vacuous drivel from that arrogant simon tosser.

    sounds like he didn’t even read your post mike… and kudos to you as ever for your wit and honesty.

    “that won’t get you a nice bit of cunt”

    bet you’re a real hit with the ladies simon with talk like that… got news for you: that’s not “confidence” but crass ignorance & chauvinism.

    “plus i’m very cute”

    my guess simon is the only thing you ever pull is yourself.

  27. Ah…another nice post…thanks for gracing us with it Mike…All that comes to mind is: WTF is wrong with Israeli women? So disgustingly rude…they make me want to puke in disgust.. I don’t think I could ever stand the ‘usual’ Israeli girl…so nauseating… Mike, can I interest you in Latin American women? They are my absolutely fav women: sweet, polite, caring, temperamental.
    Life’s too short to deal with cunty witches….Tho I like one of the readers’ advice about FB. I’d never date anyone blindly. Never. I need to see her before even calling her…call me shallow, but as I said, life’s too short…

  28. Thank you, Monique, for your support . . . though I am not perhaps the vulnerable victim that my post may cause you to think!

    And Lawrence, it is nice to receive a thoughtful response, instead of the “big man” bluster that came before (some males, sadly, are just not capable). To address some of your points . . .

    The poll is just a bit of fun.

    The “detailed descriptive account” is, for me, an end in itself. So, whilst I am delighted when my posts generate comments and debate, they are never intended to give their subject matter “an importance,” as such.

    It is the process which is important to me: the writing . . . even about life’s little experiences (“ripping yarn[s],” as Saul so flatteringly calls them), however seemingly trivial and inconsequential.

    So when readers, like Mark above, comment that they are “Not sure what all the fuss is about,” they are missing the point of melchett mike somewhat . . . though that is fine, too! 😉

  29. Lawrence Green

    Points taken Mike. I enjoy reading your posts.

  30. Love this non mangy blog

    Hi all, I am sorry to digress. (but here is an attempt to spread some joy)

    I propose the following technique to enhance your blind dating experience.
    I myself do not admit to having successfully used this but know a man who has a few times 🙂

    In a short first phone call negotiate with the lady in question that at the start of proposed date you follow the “”Chemistry Assessment Protocol”” (CAP)

    The CAP protocol.

    prelude – travel to meeting point.
    1. look at each other for 1-2 seconds.
    2. if agreeing to proceed with CAP smile
    3. if still agreeing to proceed step closer
    4. make out for 5 minutes without having spoke.

    for all the benefits it is important to talk on the phone only about the advantages of CAP and to follow protocol to the T.

    Advantages. – also selling points of the CAP

    1. easy to walk away from a bad match and feelings are less hurt all around as limited time has been wasted –
    2.
    2.i normally people with good self confidence (gsc) will agree as they don’t want to waste time – and have no problem with saying no. (successful use of CAP also further enhances your confidence)
    2.ii you will generally date better looking or at least more attractive dates.
    3. starts the date with a nice “interaction” reducing natural pressures and areas of concern.
    4. allows a determination of pure chemical attraction without any of the complexities of attraction based on personality which does change over time.

    (friends analysis – if after a few minutes a party wants to talk – walk away politely)

    Now this is somewhat said with the proverbial tongue in own cheek. and even posters friend once got a walk away at protocol 2. He no longer follows CAP for personal hygiene reasons.

    Advantages to mike!

    1. you will greatly enhance your negotiation skills every time you attempt this.
    2. women will see you in a very mysterious if not emotional light where they cannot even control their feelings for you…
    3. once agreed they will think about it a lot – which they will confuse for liking you – see
    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/13/fashion/13Studied.html?_r=1

    p.s. Monique r u single 🙂

    My book on dating is due out feb. 14th free copies to all who try CAP!

    Anyway love your blog – and please don’t out me if you find out who I am.

  31. The above comment needs to come naturally. Not sure you can teach it. But it is spot on and I guess even to the absolutely clueless (Suspect Mike), protocol will come a little more easier when there is natural chemistry.
    But yes, agreed, if she smiles sleep with her!
    Don’t out me either.
    Regards
    Nicholas

  32. Simon Barget

    Mikeyboy, let me teach you some further life lessons.

    Writing is usually always a medium for complaint. Yours is not very subtle but it tries hard to be. With clenched teeth you declare: “this didn’t hurt, this didn’t really upset me, I got my own back, they’re all wrong and I’m right, how could they??, how dare they???, have they no manners ad nauseam.” I can see you quivering all over.

    Now, just admit for one small second that it did hurt, of course it did, how could it not have? Then feel the pain. Then realise that no one’s really interested in your pain unless it’s sweetly presented and has a neat progression which they can empathise with without having to pay too much attention. So keep it to yourself. Do a ‘Why Don’t You?’ Write something interesting, creative, bare your guts, at least do something. (By the way, it just started to hail – I like.)

    You will always find mock sympathisers. Beware of them I say to you. They will hold you back in the most pernicious manner possible, agreeing with you countenancing you, mollycoddling you. All it means is you don’t get the shag and then some numpty pretends to care. It’s a lie. Forge your own way my son. Use force if you need to.

    Peace and a great deal of love.

    S

  33. Caroline Kendal

    Simon – numpty is my favourite word. So lovely to see it used. And sorry Mike, but I agree with Simon. The email and the blog are both ways of avoiding the pain of rejection. Very enjoyable ways, especially the blog – you Grande Figa which is Italian for a great big cunt and the biggest compliment you can pay someone in Italy. Think it’s time for English women to reclaim the Olde English word… Hope to see you tomorrow. C x

  34. simon barget… just wanted to say i’ve changed my mind about you… think you might be my dream man…

    all us women… sorry “nice bits of cunt” to you… just dream about meeting a guy with such supreme confidence… based as it so clearly is in your case on such sincerity, wisdom and depth…

    and what self-respecting “nice bit of cunt” doesn’t love a good cliche?
    “you don’t get the shag”
    “some numpty pretends to care”
    “Forge your own way my son”
    “Use force if you need to”
    “Peace and a great deal of love”

    and all within THREE lines! what an unbelievable turn on! believe me… just finding someone under 70 who still addresses people as “my son” is not easy these days.

    simon barget i’ll be your “nice little cunt”… seeing as you are such a right little cock.

  35. If it’s the same Simon Barget, we were at Haberdashers’ together.
    Let’s just say it sounds like he hasn’t changed!!

  36. david bloothy

    Mike.

    Come to Jerusalem there will be women running after you, lit . . .

    http://www.jerusalem-marathon.com/

    Shabbat Shalom.

  37. Thank you in my absence (just got back from Jeru, Dave!), Monique, though it is not too difficult to spot the emptiness, even malevolence, behind the clichés, bullshit and bravado. Anyway, little Simon wouldn’t be my first ‘stalker’ since I started melchett mike: they all hated the blog, but seemingly couldn’t stop reading/commenting on it. I’ll take that!

    What is interesting, however, is that little Simon’s comments have been far bitterer than anything in my offending e-mail to Odelia . . . though, if believing that I am distraught about her helps make him feel ‘bigger’ as a ‘man,’ I have no problem with that.

    As for his (typically modest) offer of “life lessons,” however, I think I may pass, seeing that it is my guess that “Plus I’m very cute” (you couldn’t make it up!) little Simon bears more than a passing resemblance, in real life, to Pete Wade . . .

    “Peace, a great deal of love,” and Good Shabbos, to one and all!

  38. Caroline Monique

    Cunt and Fuck are beautiful words some of the most effective in the English language only when they are used in terms of their true definition.

    “Fuck off odelia” vs “Dont apologize odelia, let’s rather fuck”

    “odelia the c” vs “odelia, you have a gorgeous cunt”

    Big difference.

  39. rather disingenuous comparisons nicholas… they could just as easily have been:

    “fuck off odelia” vs “you’re a terrible fuck odelia”

    “odelia the cunt” vs “odelia you have a smelly cunt”

    NOT such a “big difference”… did you go to the same school as simple simon (mike i love that pete wade clip!)

  40. This is all getting a little bit gratuitious for the blog of an ex-Hasmo and yeshiva (yes, I am!) boy. How about our nice friend the asterisk? It makes a f*cking c*nt (even of little Simon’s magnitude) a lot more palatable! 😉

  41. Although clearly a Habs boy Simon writes beautifully and he does make some pertinent points.

    I can only reiterate some of the points made above with regards to the practical aspects of dating. In this day and age of Facebook there’s no need for blind dates, make a friend request and each can judge whether you are mutually attracted from what you see in the photo to progress.

    Leave the multiple phone conversations, you’re not in a long distance relationship. One phone call of ten minutes to decide that there’s enough common ground for a date, if there is make the date, if not bail out. We have a natural advantage with a… “call waiting from the U.K,” I’ve employed it a number of times when deathly silence has kicked in after 5 minutes.

    Best.

  42. Agreed re the phone conversations, Rysk – though, when they are going well, it can be easy to get carried away! – but it is not as straightforward as just avoiding totally blind dates: even with Facebook – though especially with dating sites like JDate – people often look completely different in the flesh than they did in the extremely flattering photos that they posted online.

    Dating is a lottery, full stop. But my point, once again (and I don’t think it is that controversial!), is that it is a lottery one should enter prepared to show the other party a modicum of sensitivity and respect.

    Having said that, I am not averse to the odd “tactic”: for instance, before going on a first date, telling her that you are a little tired and not, therefore, going to make it a late one. This provides the perfect excuse for an early getaway – though without hurting your date’s feelings – but also the option of staying for longer if it is going well . . . though don’t listen to me: I’m 43, and living with Stuey and Dexxy! 😉

  43. I think you are a perfect gentleman Mike and a sensitive soul. If Odelia epitomizes Israeli women, you will have to cast your net wider to find your soul-mate. Perhaps Jason is right, and you need to visit the Emerald Isle!

  44. Lawrence Green

    It occurs to me that the cliché that things are not always what they seem to be, could be particularly relevant to the “Odelia syndrome” – and I have used that term advisedly, as I think calling it your experience of Odelia may be the result of looking at it from a deceptively subjective point of view. Let me explain my train of thought.

    A woman, not without some physically attractive features, arranges to meet a man with whom she has conversed enthusiastically and optimistically on the phone, with a tacit and mutual understanding that a relationship of the romantic variety is a possibility. As she is a single parent, we may presume that finding a suitable male partner at her time of life would be a little more difficult now than it was when she was more of spring chicken rather than the more mature hen she presently is, if I may be permitted a poultry metaphor.

    We might expect her to face reality, to some extent at least: she is not as young as she used to be and an intelligent – and dare I say well paid? – partner, or to continue the metaphor, suitable cock, may well be hers for the taking, if only some small accommodations can be made – what I mean is that by her age we might expect the hen to be grateful for a cock, even if some minor compromises to her internalised ideal image are needed.

    However, what ensues it not what is expected: a pre-arranged and deliberately planned avoidance procedure, thinly disguised, amateurishly deployed, rapidly curtails one of her chances of happiness – which, let’s face it, are likely to become fewer and fewer as each day passes. She must have invested some time and thought in devising her avoidance strategy and has enlisted the support and active involvement of at least one accomplice – quite a lot of work for the sake of saving herself from having to sit for half an hour with a totally respectable, intelligent man. Or, perhaps more likely, her strategies for avoidance have been practised, if not to perfection, at least at regular intervals so that they have become a routine.

    It must be possible that a condition new to medical science has reared its head but has not yet been diagnosed. Perhaps we could tentatively call it the Odelia syndrome, a condition that future generations of doctors will study in their medical textbooks as a required module component for their exams. A great irony may well await when, at a point some years hence, an aging woman goes to her doctor with a non specific set of symptoms, is referred to a specialist, and is diagnosed with a complaint that bears her own name.

  45. Thank you for that, Lawrence . . . though it causes me some concern that, conversely, the repulsing of a “more mature hen” – to the extent that she can’t even face having a coffee with you – might be accorded the label Melchism!

  46. As one in the medical profession, I can assure you that this condition is well established in the literature. It is called Stupidus Cuntus Syndrome, was one of the earliest syndromes ever identified and unfortunately has no cure. While the condition is rarely contagious, contact with someone smitten with this disease may induce nausea and vomiting.

  47. Just been contacted by a woman from a dating site. And guess what her name is? Yes . . . Odelia!

    No Odelias in 43 years . . . then two in a matter of weeks. Anyway, any volunteers for that revenge, five minutes in, phone call? 😉

  48. Don’t boast about your blog until new Odelia really really likes you! No mention! Trust me, you don’t want her seeing this latest blog until after you sleep with her.

  49. Yikes, I hope time has managed to put enough space between you and your memory of this ‘fichsa’ woman!

  50. Oh, she was definitely a cunt. Her behaviour was disgusting and dishonest.
    I wouldn’t have wasted the electrons on her, although I would have probably blogged what I’d like to have written. I wouldn’t give someone so pathetic and bottom-feed-y the satisfaction of knowing that she’d got under my skin.
    I’m with Yael, here’s hoping that 2012 will bring you better dates with more suitable women.
    🙂
    PS I know someone, will elaborate offline…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s