The Diamond Jubilee: A right Royal piss-take

There is a long list of things beyond my feeblish comprehension. Close to the top of it, however, is how so many Britons – a people renowned for its healthy scepticism and refusal to blindly bow to authority – buy into the bollocks that is the Royal Family.

“Anyone else consider these jubilee celebrations obscene?” I posted to Facebook from my phone in the early hours of last Tuesday, at the end of my tether following days of Sky News sycophancy.

“Only the mentally ill” was the first response I woke up to – though, it should be clarified, it came from a teacher at Hasmonean High School for Boys – and it was followed by a chorus of disapproval, topped by a clearly peeved private school and Cambridge educated cousin:

“People who misuse the word “obscene” in circumstances like this are always attempting to express extreme, usually puritanical moral disapproval of some activity enjoyed by others, in which they are not included.”

True, I had not been included in the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee festivities, but the “extreme . . . puritanical moral disapproval” was, in this case, clearly not mine. I had merely posed a question.

In Hendon, I would often stare at our “daily” (my mother’s doublespeak for cleaner), who cut a not dissimilar figure to the Queen, and ponder how very different her life would have been had she only been born a Windsor and not a Hart.

I know which one my money’s on!

And I still imagine that the Queen must laugh herself to sleep at nights, not quite believing her luck. The woman is unremarkable in nearly every respect. And Mrs. Hart, to the best of my knowledge, did not have (to varying degrees of allegedness): an adulterous husband and son, and  another son and a grandson (with a penchant for dressing up as a Nazi) who were illegitimate.

Should we even respect this dysfunctional, inbred clan, never mind look up to it? It is fitting that Madness played so central a role in the Diamond Jubilee Concert because, if anyone is really “mentally ill,” it is surely those who believe that the Family are actually deserving of their status, privileges and patronage.

Moreover, those of us who live in – or at least care about – Israel cannot overlook the fact that Her Majesty has visited more than 130 countries over the past 60 years, but – in spite of being Supreme Governor of the Church of England and Defender of the Faith – never once the Holy Land. She must not, of course, offend those darling Arabs so beloved by her Foreign Office.

But seeing all those upper-class twerps bawling “God Save the Queen”  from their Epsom boxes last week just made me long for Johnny Rotten. God save you, Ma’am . . .


28 responses to “The Diamond Jubilee: A right Royal piss-take

  1. JCWmoderator

    I find it in extremely poor taste, that you neglected to mention the fact that the Queen’s father, King George VI, in 1938 initiated a request from himself to the Nazi Foreign Minister, requesting that he prevent Jews from leaving Nazi Germany because they were somehow finding their way to (British-ruled) Palestine.

  2. Brave, totally uncompromising and of course completely correct. The jubilee and royals – all utter bullshit, obviously. Even so, she is our queen, an idealised granny who’s never put a foot wrong.

  3. Jonathan Shine

    Mike – I declare myself a non-monarchist but you are missing a few of the essences of monarchy which is very similar to religion. The drive towards belonging is so strong that people’s usual skepticism is buried under a heap of national pride. The Royal family combine common celebrity with the vestiges of political power to form an unstoppable force in public life. I have no idea if your cleaner could have taken on the role of the queen – because that’s what it is – a role in a big theatre. I am sure that when they are not acting their parts, members of the royal family curse and fart like the rest of us – they are humans who have been forced into a life of acting on this big stage called the Media.

    The biggest problem I have with the Royal Family (and I have many) is what I would describe as child abuse wherein children born into the Windsor family are not given much choice to just live a quiet ordinary life, but are forced to join the Royal Circus. Richard Dawkins has suggested that people forcing their kids to take on the mantle of their owned depraved religious beliefs is also a form of child abuse, and I tend to agree.

    But here’s the thing Mike. We can criticise monarchy and religion as much as we like, but they are here to stay, for they both provide millions of us (me included) with community, an illusion of security (we are not conscious of the illusion, so think it is real) and a sense of identity. Us humans need these things to stay sane – its just how we are made; ironic though it may be, sometimes we need to defy rationality to stay sane.

  4. clive johnson's johnson

    spot on jcwmod. extremely poor taste too that melchett doesn’t so much as mention king edward i’s edict of expulsion in 1290. didn’t the boy go to school? in fact why didn’t he pen a history of anti-semitism among the kings and queens of england since the norman conquest?

  5. Here’ s the thing about a lot of Ex-British Olim

    They teach the world that no self-respecting Jew must remain outside the Utopia that is Israel

    Then they berate the Israelis for their political corruption, ill manners, aggression and lack of culture

    Then they hasten to alert their former British compatriots to the backwardness of, and indeed generally intolerable state of most things about the UK

  6. steve Davis

    In the United Sheffield Hebrew Congregation – we diligently recited the prayer for the Royal Family every Shabbes before making our way down to the Lane (Brammal) for the Sheffield United Congregation (obviously only on home days). Both traditions are inextricably and intrinsically woven into the fabric of what it is to be British, Jewish and/or otherwise.

  7. Jeremiah Bullfrog

    Indeed for North London’s communities, the prayer for all the ‘tsurus’ suffered by the Royal Family is followed by a trip to White Hart Lane, the Emirates or Stamford Bridge.

    The Queen cries herself to sleep, not so much thinking about her ‘luck’ but more about the aggravation she has with her family. She must also realise that she has dedicated her life as a servant to a Britain, a country which is no longer ‘Great’.

  8. The only thing to admire about the French is what they did with their royal family
    “You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you”

  9. Alexa Raine

    What’s with the “illegitimate” sons comment?? Please clarify!

    I actually forgot alll about the Jubilee until the day before, and then thoroughly enjoyed watching all the hoo-ha. Apart from the flotilla (now there’s a loaded word if ever I saw one!) which went on about 2 hours too long, no-one does pageantry like the Brits. And yes Mike probably all your comments are correct – but so what? For the British in times of doom and gloom – and also for some ex-pats – ther’s nothing wrong with a knees-up and something to commemorate. The Queen has nothing to do with Edward VIII and his Nazi sympathies – or the other Edward of 1290 for that matter! her not visitin ghere has probably more to do with the Foreign Office tyhan her own wishes, but that IS a black mark against her. Mind you if we take that attitude towards all the countries who don’t like us, you wouldn’t be able toi visit anywhere or watch most of the European Cup….My biggest problem was the banality of the Concert – no real stars from the last 60 years and Macca sounded terrible. For me it was a trip down memory lane and a pleasant interlude. And hilarious to see all the Brits stiff-upper-lipping their way through the pouring rain!!!

  10. Jonny, I am not quite sure how the Royals – unlike religion – provide you with “community, an illusion of security . . . a sense of identity,” or why you think that we “need [them] to stay sane.”

    Very sweet of you, Dan, to refer to “a lot of Ex-British Olim” rather than singling out any particular one of them! 😉 My post was intended neither as a criticism of the UK, nor a call for Aliyah, but was merely an expression of my – and my incredulity at so many others’ – feelings about the Royal Family. Indeed, at least half of the derision greeting my question to Facebook came from your “Ex-British Olim.”

    Alexa . . .
    (i) Where have you been?! Just Google: “Prince Andrew’s/Harry’s real father”.
    (ii) I believe clive johnson’s johnson was joking about King Edward I!
    (iii) Re your feeling that “the flotilla . . . went on about 2 hours too long,” I am sure that the Turks would agree!

  11. An excellent piece Mike, I like the way you think about the monarchy…it’s a sad state of affairs we’re in the 21st century and people who claim to be cultured and refined still revere some silly, vapid parasites…but then again, there’s also religion and most of the world bows to it, so yeah, it’s a sad state of affairs for the entire planet… i believe Dawkins said in an interview a few years ago that 95% of the human race is utterly stupid because that was the % that believed in religion and monarchy…i tend to agree with him when i see civilised people believe and pander to a bunch of nobodies who have contributed zero to society.

  12. “95% of the human race is utterly stupid” – yeah, yossi, you’re one of the 5% saners? You sound like a sick Israeli leftist to me, one of those jerks who believe they’re heaven’s gift to mankind!
    Dawkins? Ha! Ha! Ha! How primitive!

  13. Judging by his views on religion, Jules, I doubt that Yossi believes he is “heaven’s gift to” anyone! 😉

  14. oh I’m no lefty Jules, quite the opposite…i just really dislike religion,,,i’m on the extreme far right if i was to be labeled politically..i just really think religion is the stuff of mindless, backward people, is all…the only reason i respect and admire judaism is because it’s a tool that keeps (most) jews united in our tiny island surrounded by the sea of hatred that is Islam. and yes, I’ll take Dawkins a million times over the insane beliefs of those who admire the monarchy and an invisible, ubiquitous bearded guy in the sky.

  15. yossi,
    you are a 2-digit I.Q. jerk with problems whose resolution lie outside the scope of this or any other blog. Your parents did a disgusting job dragging you up. Keep your primitive views on religion to yourself.

  16. lmao Jules, ad-hominem being the only possible retort you could muster tells a lot about you…i pray to your adonay or whatever you call that imaginary creature in the sky to shower you with mitsvas and for the early arrival of the moshiach..i asked her really hard for it to show up already so that people like you can calm down and be less bitter about poor, poor soul..

  17. TheFerraraWundesDoubleAct

    They must be applauded for their ability to perenially blind and delude. To change your name from Saxe Coburg Gotha to Windsor takes some balls. Mind you, if you’re faced with a nation baying for germanic blood, you would call yourself just about anything “patriotic”, wouldn’t you? Here’s one from Tom Johnston, Scottish politician, in the 1940s. “Show the people that our old nobility is not noble, that its lands are stolen lands-stolen either by force or fraud; show people that the title-deeds are rapine, murder, massacre, cheating or Court harlotry…let the people clearly understand that our present House of Lords is composed largely of descendants of successful pirates and rogues; do these things and you shatter the Romance that keeps the nation numb and spellbound while priviledge picks its pocket”. By the way, in spite of all the nauseating propaganda from the “British” media, Scotland remained resolutely uninspired by the Royal bullshit fest. More people applied for street parties in the London burgh of Wandsworth than the whole of the land north of the Tweed. Bring on the Republic. I’m sure I could build a guillotine………….

  18. Have you noticed how many right-wing Zionist extremists have a blog? It’s because they can control what they write, without the ‘inconvenience’ of people disagreeing with them, and allowing only their supporters to comment. You wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a public forum Melchett Mike – here you can say 2 + 2 =5 and remove anyone who disagrees. The trouble is, Israeli’s and Jews get lumped together so they all are at risk because of your views and your government policies.

  19. Shaf,

    Sorry to shatter your illusion of the typical Zionist – and I am a proud (if not particularly “right-wing”) one – but I have no problem with you (or anyone) “disagreeing with [me].”

    And I have no intention, either, of “remov[ing]” you (and have even corrected your spelling/grammar mistakes) . . . though I have just deleted the supportive comment of an anonymous, pro-Zionist homophobe who blights these pages.

    Indeed, you are the only one who appears to be doing any “lump[ing] together”: of “right-wing Zionists” . . . which, in your lexicon, would appear to mean all Israelis and Jews who support Israel.

    As for my not “last[ing] 5 minutes in a public forum,” I have not shied away from them. Far from it (as even a quick Google will prove).

    But I do not intend to waste valuable cafe/beach/sun/bird time arguing the toss with pathological Israel/Jew-haters, most of whom, ultimately, do not even accept our/my right to exist.

    Shabbat shalom!


  20. Ben Wulfsohn

    I have no issue with the Royal Family. I just think they should start paying real estate taxes and other types of estate, inheritance taxes etc. Would be somewhat helpful in alleviating England’s budgetary problems.

  21. Mike….A quick Google does indeed show you on public forums…and then making fatuous arguments, which when knocked down you just move on rather than admit they were flawed. On another point, if you did not remove my previous points then I apologise, maybe I didn’t post it correctly. However, I’m not “lumping” you in because you’re a zionist, it’s because of your right wing, blinkered “it’s only us that matter” or “well, some of them bomb us, so we should ignore the plight of all of them” attitude. Being rude about the Monarchy, when so many people have enjoyed the festivities is disrespectful… and the Monach is far less arbitrary than the state of Israel, in a manner of speaking.

    Ben, if they paid real estae taxes, they’d have no estate – it’s quite right that the royal estate is protected – who want’s to see the Queen living in a semi in Hackney….wouldn’t really make it very special, would it. Give her to tools to carry out her job!

  22. Shaf, if you only extracted your head from your arsehole for a few seconds, you might just stop to consider that we simply don’t share the same Islamofascist views: All this horseshit pretending to give a toss about the Palestinians . . . when you knuckledraggers slaughter even your own just for fun.

    If you spent even five percent as much time criticising your murdering scumbag brother in Syria (for just one example) as you do the only democracy in the Middle East, I might just start to take you and your ilk seriously . . . now fuck off!!

  23. John Fisher


    Just back from a trip to Vienna where I had the pleasure of dining in the Throne Room of the Hofburg Palace, seat of the Emperors of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

    Great. Once the centre of Europe, it is now a mess hall for over-indulged beancounters. Maybe in your ideal world you would want them to turn Buckingham Palace into a bowling alley (plenty of long corridors) or the Victoria branch of Reiss (although your cousin would lose his most famous customer).

    Frankly, I think those 46000 hits searching for a picture of Cynthia Nixon’s Toygirl have gone to your head. Have you already signed up with Murdoch?


  24. Shaf

    It is indeed very hard to sever a baby’s head in protest, on a blog. That inconvenience is regrettable.

  25. JulesQ,

    Don’t pay any attention to that farshtunkener apikores, Yossi. How dare he question Yiddishkeit? Obviously he has no emunah. Just like all apikorsim, he resorts to rational thought in guiding his world view. When did the Abishta give the Yidden the right to think for themselves? Did Avrohom Oveinu question when he was commanded to cut the throat of his young defensless child? Of course not!

    Clearly Yossi does not understand that the truth is never attained through objective and rational query but rather is handed down to us from our forefathers who had a much better understanding of the universe than we do and should be accepted with blind faith. Chas Vesholom, we should question the hailiga Torah. Yossi is definitely going to burn forever and ever and ever and ever in Gehenem. You and I on the other hand will be living large in Gan Eden – maybe we could hook up?

  26. In Bereishis after Adam was expelled from Gan Eden the passuk says that Hashem placed before the gate to Gan Eden – es hakeruvim ve’es lahat ha’cherev ha’mishapeches – the cherubs and the fiery sword, revolving with each other to gaurd the way to the Tree of Life.

    Rb Mordechai Miller z”l of Gateshead explains as follows:
    Since Adam ate from the Etz Hadaas, mankind generally is caught between a choice of a hierarchical structured society (represented by the sword) or a free spirit type existence (represented by the cherubs).

    Neither of these models are Gan Eden. The nation state created most of the disasters of the twentieth century and dissolving mankind into a morass of identityless multi-culturalism ultimately is not really a formula for happiness.

    When people try to get away from one of these models, they end up with the other, hence they ‘revolve’, and block the path to the Tree of Life.

    Etz chaim hi le’machazikim bah – The Torah is the elusive Tree of Life to those who grasp it. Through the Torah it is possible to achieve an existence in which nobility and aristocracy does not mean superciliousness and in which fun does not mean a breakdown of societal mores.

    The “ohr ha’sechel ha’eloki” – the light of the Divine Intelligence, is contained within the Torah. It illuminates all aspects and stages of life and draws healthy living towards it like a plant grows towards the sunlight.

    Until mashiach comes and the full light of the Etz Hachaim is revealed as in Gan Eden, there will always be conflict and compromise around us. By following the Torah however, we hasten the coming of mashiach and increase the Godliness in ourselves and the world.

  27. Come on, Osher . . . call this blog a chillul Hashem now!

  28. I have to say that Chalky Chalk’s comments (all the way from Melbourne no less), constitute the single most intelligent thought I have read on this blog to date.

    Anyone who has had the privilege and responsibility of trying to bring up a child will recognise this immediately. Unfettered indulgence makes the child no happier than extreme authoritarian discipline. Both are recipes for a troubled adult life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s