About This Blog

The off-the-wall, warts n’all, no punches pulled (but oft tongue-in-cheek) “slice of life” essays and vignettes of a frustrated former journalist and career cynic – based largely on random thought streams whilst out walking the dogs – on . . .

  • Israel, Tel Aviv, and the single’s life therein, from the perspective of something of an outsider;
  • the endlessly fascinating, usually amusing, Israeli psyche/behaviour;
  • all things Jewish; and
  • all things Mike (i.e., anything else I feel like writing about).

Why do I do it (I make no money from melchett mike)? Martin Amis sums it up better than I ever could:

“To be a writer, you must be most alive when alone. And that’s what is great about it. Writing is freedom.”

If you are enjoying melchett mike, please subscribe, send links to friends by e-mail, and even attach them to your Facebook page.

Melchett Street Sign

melchett mike is my personal weblog. The opinions, thoughts and feelings which I express herein are exactly that (i.e., personal), and not made with my lawyer’s “hat” on.

It is neither a “family” blog, nor a “politically correct” one – any bad language employed by me herein in no way reflects the wonderful education and values instilled in me by my parents! – but it will always endeavour to be honest (and to operate within the law).

I certainly do not expect everyone (or even anyone) to agree with said opinions, thoughts and feelings, and encourage you to post your comments. By posting a comment to – which, for these purposes, shall be deemed to include submitting any content whatsoever for publication on – melchett mike, you agree to the following Comments Policy (if you don’t agree, don’t post . . . just read!):

  • Each comment to melchett mike is the sole responsibility of the commenter.
  • I reserve the right to edit, delete or block (or not to) any comment (or commenter), as I see fit (though my failure to do so shall not imply that I agree with it or him/her).
  • By submitting a comment to melchett mike, you agree that the content is your own, to allow it to remain on melchett mike in perpetuity, to allow me to republish it (even for commercial purposes), and to hold melchett mike and me harmless from any damages or liability in relation thereto.
  • Once a comment has been posted on melchett mike, it is at my sole and absolute discretion whether to edit or delete it.
  • In no circumstances must any commenter (even from Ra’anana) express agreement with any view or opinion held by Greg.

If you feel that your legal rights have been infringed by any content on melchett mike (including comments), please notify me via your own comment (under a pseudonym, if you so wish) – I will contact you at the e-mail address you provide in the comment form (viewable only by me), treating any such communication in the strictest confidence. If you are merely offended by anything herein, melchett mike may not be for you.

All content on melchett mike created by me is my property, licensed under a Creative Commons Licence (to view its terms, click on the Some Rights Reserved icon in the right hand margin).

42 responses to “About This Blog

  1. Good stuff, I look forward to an expose of the decline of Israeli prostitution which is linked to the Russian influx. Prior to their arrival, alcoholism was unknown and beautiful young sephardim would sell their soldier bodies for 200 shekels. Ugly over done Russians took over the trade. Look into it, mate. Direct expeerience a must.

  2. Quality suggestion, Sam! I recall your penchant for ladies of the night, and would be happy to give you a guest spot on melchett mike, where you can regale us with your firsthand tales of Allenby’s finest!

  3. Great stuff, we are playing you live on sky in three weeks, hope you are coming over as our guest of honour!

  4. I’m gonna be in Barbados (Barmy Army) . . . so a wet n’ rainy Monday evening at Boundary Park is not all that tempting! Thanks for the invite, though. I will take you up on it some other time. But what about that f*cking “Shez” shirt, or something from the legend?!

  5. simon rocker

    Mike

    Please get in touch with me at JC 0207-415 1676

    thanks

  6. Please email me.
    Bye.
    Anat

  7. I wish to thank Tomer Appelbaum for permitting me to use his excellent photograph of last April’s Tel Aviv Marathon – which appeared in last Thursday’s TheMarker magazine, and captures me and my two flatmates walking down Rothschild Boulevard – as the new melchett mike header image.

    To view more of Tomer’s work (or to contact him), visit:
    http://tomerappelbaum.blogspot.com/
    http://www.lightstalkers.org/tomer-appelbaum

  8. Hey Mike,

    Was stumbling across you in person and now stumbled across your blog.

    I like it!

    Hope all’s good.

    Gayle

  9. Hi Mike – Yossi Halper mentioned your blog to me, what’s your email address?
    Cheers,
    Alex Stein
    alex.stein@talk21.com

  10. philip lehrer

    Hi Mike,
    What a surprise. I checked out your blog and the first item I read, concerning Israeli chutzpa was right on. True AND funny.
    Keep up the good work.
    Next time I’m in T.A., we’ll surely have a (proper) drink or two.
    Shavua Tov and cheers.
    Philip

  11. Your link was sent to me by Alex Granat. I have him and especially you for keeping my spirits up when I am feeling down at all. G-d bless you…..

  12. A wonderful blog Mike, thank you for taking the time to create it. I loved the story about your Granddad, I met many like him in the early sixties. They had a great work ethic, and I learned a lot from them. All the best to you and the dogs.
    albert

  13. Hi Mike,

    It’s been a while since we contacted each other. The funny thing is the more people I bump in to from Hasmonean, religious or not, have come across the Hasmo Legends website and love it. They have also responded to it, even Rabonim who I am friendly with.

    Below, you will see a You Tube link to something so heart breaking. I have even shed a tear while laying Teffillin. I hope it doesn’t upset you if you haven’t already seen it. The madness is because this terrible event occurred on the same day as the Japan earthquake (please G-d give them help), the rest of the world (other than Israel and the arabs) were not even made aware of it on the news….disgusting. You take care and keep in touch. G-d bless.

  14. I have been pushing and pushing . . . but it has just not been coming.

    I have decided to stop forcing it. There is no point in going if there is nothing inside.

    Just thought I should explain the silence.

    But I will be back. When it is right . . .

  15. Davina Levita-Ree

    Mike

    I have a bowl of Kellogg’s All Bran with a glass of prune juice for breakfast every morning. Works a treat.

    Hope you feel better soon

    D.

  16. Eugene Monkleton-Montefiore

    you’re so full of it, davina, i’m sure you never have a problem…

    mike, looking forward to having you back at your blistering best!

  17. Davina Levita-Ree

    Eugene

    Selena and I are having a party this Friday at our place – Flat 8 (3rd floor) , 27 Phillimore Gardens just off Kensington High Street starting at 10. Why don’t you and your GORGEOUS wife join us (and bring Rupert too, if he is around)?

    I want to introduce you to my new boyfriend, Klaus, who is a personal trainer at the gym and VERY macho!

    Love

    D

  18. Klaus Wunderlich?

  19. Davina Levita-Ree

    Dan

    No – Klaus Mackay, actually. His father is from Edinburgh and Klaus was born in Macclesfield. Any particular reason you ask?

    Klaus (and Daddy) really loved that piece you wrote about kicking Greg in the skull (or something like that). A bit violent for me, but every girl knows that you boys MUST have your fun.

    If you live in England, Selena and I would LOVE you to come to our party on Friday night (details above). Eugene and Rupert might be there.

    D.

  20. Mindy Orenstein Ebrahimoff

    Hello Davina, Surely you remember ‘Million Dollar Baby’? The most important lesson Frankie Dunn teaches his boxers is the one that rules life: above all – always protect yourself. Talk about skull bashing. What are you flippantly inviting riff raff for?

  21. Well well …what have we here……looks like Melchett Mike has gotten itself it’s very own Sloane Ranger!

    ….or not?

    A few slight problems “Davina”, love…

    (a) how do you know I live in London?

    (b) there are no 3rd floor flats on the Phillimore Gardens side of the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea – heavy-handed Planning and Conservation Area regime – nothing of that sort until you get nearer to Redcliffe Gardens and Gunter Grove

    (c) everyone has heard of the late, great Klaus Wunderlich !

    Anyway, SHMULI, nice to catch up

    Dan

  22. Davina Levita-Ree

    Dan

    Mumsy was a Sloane. I am not.

    Not for the first time on this blog somebody is making fun of my intelligence just because I am not as clever as some of those “Big Boys”, as you so elegantly put it.

    I do not know where you live but was just being friendly since it seems that everybody on this blog lives either in London or Israel, apart from Greg who lives in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

    If there are no flats in my street then I must be hanging in the sky. Wasn’t it Mae West who said “Why don’t you come up and see me sometime?”.

    And WHAT is SHMULI – sounds like a healthy breakfast cereal.

    No Dan. You don’t reply to the hand of friendship like you did. But I suppose I should be grateful you did not threaten to crush my skull.

    You can still come on Friday night and we will kiss and make up.

    And, as you can see, when I want to be, I am not as stupid as you think.

    D

  23. Dear “Davina”

    All great (and really rather feisty!) responses….save only that you say nothing to explain your apparent ignorance of the life and works of Klaus Wunderlich.

    Next you’ll tell me that you’re more of a James “Hansi” Last fanatic?!

  24. Davina Levita-Ree

    Dan

    I have always preferred Classical Music – Mozart, Beethoven, Vivaldi, Dostoyevsky – that sort of thing.

    Is your name really “Gins”? Funny one, really. Grandma always keeps half a bottle of Gin and half a bottle of Whisky by her bed “for medicinal purposes”. Have you ever thought of changing your name to Dan Tonic or Dan Johnnie Walker or, even, Dan Sex-On-The-Beach?

    Are you coming Friday night?

    Off to bed now – just back from an all-night party up in Camden. I don’t know how people manage to work all day after one of those.

    D.

  25. Davina Levita-Ree

    Mindy

    It looks like you and I are the only two girls with the courage to battle this raging sea of testosterone. Let’s stick together.

    Do you live in London? Would you like to come to my party Friday night? You sound a bit older than me. I am sure you and Daddy would hit it off famously.

    Love

    D

  26. Classical music, “Davina”……then don’t forget The Beatles, Led Zep, The Pet Shop Boys and all those classics. Not to mention Tolstoy.

    Looking forward to joining you on Friday night on the upper floor of someone else’s house which the law doesn’t permit converting into a flat.

    Will Reb Klaus make kiddush or shall I?

    Dan Palwin No.10

  27. Ironic that Davina is so generous with her invitations for Friday night – and extended to all Jews – while some of our own fundamentalist coreligionists, on the other hand . . .
    😉

  28. Mike

    As I assume that last slur was directed at me, I would point out that I have not been zoyche to an invite from Davina but, should that situation change, I may be prepared to risk the moral future of my highly impressionable children and grandchildren at a Friday night dinner with you. So the matter is in Davina’s (or as Gins calls her “Davina”) capable hands.

    One thing for which “Davina” (whoever she/he/it is – for, while according to my google check, there are 3rd floor flats for rent in her street, I agree she is sounding increasingly improbable) must be congratulated, is coaxing that conjurer extraordinaire of the salacious double entendre, Dan Gins, out of semi-retirement.

    Regards

    John

  29. Loath though I am to reveal confidences, I can confirm that said “slur” (really more of a gibe) has, finally, extracted an invite to Ra’anana – though together with “Canadian and Australian guests” (I am melchett mike, ye’know!) – for this Friday evening.

    In spite of it being obtained under duress, I will accept . . . on the understanding that said “children and grandchildren” will not be spun some yarn about me: walking back to Jaffa, or staying in Ra’ananafontein with some cousin or other around the corner. Their “moral future” and “high impressionab[ility],” I respectfully suggest, would be better secured/served by a prompt introduction to the real world!

    Moreover, the close kin of a well-known Hendon (no less) rabbi (no less) – and a regular contributor to this blog (no less) – will, I hope, confirm that my bearing at his splendid Cranbourne Gardens (no less) Shabbos table flew in the very face of the “Rotter in Chief” title unfairly bestowed upon me by a former resident of Stamford Hill (no more).

    PS What do I tell little Stuart and Dexxy?

  30. Tropical Storm Mindy

    Dahhhling Davina,
    How wonderfully sweet and sensitive you are. I’d love to join! I’ll have to sniff around The KR of course, beforehand, for something black, minimalistic and fetching…you know a total closet necessity. Don’t know about “Daddy”, but that Dan “thingy”…has he ever heard of Thomas Arne? By the way, I thought I was the only isle of estrogen in the land of toilet seats that are perpetually left up!
    About my age – why would you think I’m ‘older’? You are under a shameful misconception; (my libido is ever stronger now that fear of pregnancy is gone). Anyhow, all this can be intimately shared after the party Friday night….ooh and D, I have just been photographed for an ad campaign on how to make the best of a sexual encounter (just ask Klaus).
    Davina dahhhling, SHMULI is a biowashing powder. Sold down The KR at Johnson’s. You MUST try it.
    See you Friday night then.

    M

  31. Why of course Mindy, Thomas Arne and Rule Britannia – how splendidly patriotic…..and ARISTOCRATIC !

    Not like that Johnny-come-lately, “Sir” Edward Elgar, (whose father was a draper, can you believe!) and his jingoistic Hope and Glory tosh.

    Any road ‘oop, will I be making kiddush for you on Friday night, too? And Klaus, and “Davina” (now aka Miss Conception)?

    Dan Thingy

  32. Davina Levita-Ree

    I am starting to feel like the heroes in the final chapters of Kafka’s “The Trial”, Orwell’s “1984” and Hardy’s “Tess of the D’Urbevilles”. They all knew the axe would fall. None knew precisely when.

    Cogito Ergo Sum. Time to jump from the third floor window of my mind and put an end to this questionable existence.

    “O for a muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention.”

    Good bye. It has been fun.

    Davina

  33. No, Davina, no! We’ll carry on pretending! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE US!

    PS – see you at Reb Chuna’s late minyan on Sunday? I’m the one wearing the Rabbeinu Tam tefillin.

    D

  34. Tropical Storm Mindy

    Davina dahhling,
    Your are totally Henrified! (or Henrifying).
    Try Ernest Hemingway. He most subtly suggests there are events which are so great that if a writer has participated in them his obligation is to write truly rather than assume the presumption of altering them with invention.
    Ring true for you? Davina…do you hear me? Davina….please…..

    Dan Thingy – how nice to hear from you.
    FYI Sir E E grew up in a very musical family. Making fun of him would be like slighting Emile Berliner. Remember Nipper? Why would you want to do that?

    re. Miss Conception. Are you a little baby phobic perhaps?
    And, sorry if I appear uninformed, but what is kiddush on Friday night? Weren’t we meant to be having a party?
    Davina…..dahhhling….are you there? I already told you. I can’t bear the thought of missing BOTH a party AND a funeral.
    TSM
    PS Mike. Hope it comes soon. This discourse is decadent!

  35. Rest in Cyberpeace

  36. Mindy, with all these references to Arne, Berliner and Hemingway, would you happen by any chance to be Josy’s sister?

  37. Selena Levita-Ree

    Eugene, Dan and Mindy

    Don’t forget the party Friday night! I shall now be hosting it with my new boyfriend, Klaus (whatever you are thinking – it is a pity to waste a good man).

    Love

    Selena

  38. Mike,
    The very same! Josy’s sister as in ‘Eppo & Co’.
    By the way, I must have run down Melchett on the TA marathon last year. Next time I’ll wave.
    Please, please make it come.
    Selena has only just begun….
    Mindy

  39. If anyone is interested . . .

    https://melchettmike.wordpress.com/2011/annual-report/

    And thank you John Fisher, Greg, Dan Gins, Daniel Marks (rings a bell) . . . and, of course, melchett mike’s very own Irish Rover – the magnificent, though improbable, commenter (cf. sailing ship) who reached an unfortunate end – Albert de Gogan!

  40. Eefje Smulders

    Mike,
    I would like to get in touch with you concerning a picture on your blog (your Bar mitzva picture).
    Since I can’t find a contact address on your blog, I’m trying it this way.
    Hope to get in touch.
    Best,
    Eefje
    eefje@bosbros.com

  41. A cause for concern, perhaps, rather than celebration – has melchett mike become too mainstream?! – but I have achieved “invited blogger” status at The Jewish Chronicle Online (to which I copy my posts).

    Ho hum . . . 😉

  42. Pingback: Heidis, Milkies and Amalekites | melchett mike

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